Does Age Difference Matter in a Relationship or Marriage

by jomol on June 23, 2011 · 113 comments

Does Age Difference Matter in a Relationship or Marriage

Generally, in India, marriages are fixed in such a way that the groom is always a few to many years older than the bride. This has been an age-old practice or custom and a bride older to the groom is considered blasphemous. This practice had gained significance back then because a woman in those days would give birth to 10 to 14 kids and with each delivery, the ageing process in a woman increased exponentially. After a few deliveries, if there was no age difference between the husband and wife, the woman would start looking much more older than the man. To gap out this difference, the big gap between ages of man and woman had been formulated. But, nowadays, since women are no longer giving birth to dozens of kids, the big age difference between man and wife has lost its relevance.

happy couple

But, does this age difference or the lack of it between spouses affect the relationship in anyway, which one is better? I may not be a relationship expert, but I am trying to find out logic and pinpoint about which one is better, when the man is older than the wife, or when the man and wife are of equal ages, or when the woman is older than the man.

saifeena

In the first situation, where the man is much older than the wife, I will take my example. My husband is exactly 10 years older than me, that’s a decade between us, but when the proposal came, everything fell into place and the only drawback was this age difference factor, but since everyone felt that I was immature and childish, my husband would be the best life partner for me and yeah, I didn’t have much say at that time, but then our marriage has turned out to be a real good one and even though my husband regrets marrying me, I don’t regret marrying him .

ego

Coming to the good things about our marriage and having a much older husband; my husband balances me out completely. I am very short tempered and impulsive, whereas my husband is calm, cool, and takes time to make a decision. I am the pampered one in the marriage and I am never the one to say sorry…err, I have never said sorry actually  :P . I have seen many wives complain about their spouses not appreciating their cooking even after the wives trying their best to do so; but in my case, my husband tolerates my cooking. I am confessing that I am the world’s most horrible cook. I generally don’t bother to by-heart any recipe. If I am cooking something special, I just write down the ingredients on a piece of paper and cook it my own way, and it never turns out to be good, but my husband till date has never complained about my cooking. Even when I have felt I have cooked the most terriblest of items, he never says anything negative. Another positive thing about this marriage is that I generally get away with any tantrum. Even if I am stubborn and adamant about something, my husband tries to talk me out of it gently and patiently.

Now, coming to the negatives in our marriage, since I am much younger to my husband, he never considers me grown up enough to get me involved in any major decision making. I am almost the last one whose approval is needed if something of significance is planned. This is quite irritating of course, I don’t have much say regarding where to invest and how to invest and other such matters. My husband is of the opinion that I do not have enough “worldly” knowledge to take decisions of importance. Also, my husband’s friend’s and wives are much much older than me and in a gathering or get-together kind of function, I feel very uncomfortable because there aren’t many people who come close to my age group.

The second case scenario is where the husband and wife are both of the same age. Coming to the positives, if there is no age gap, most probably, the man and wife will be having matching wavelengths in thinking and attitude. Since age won’t be a factor, these kinds of relationships can be friendship based. Decisions can be taken together and there may be a lot of common friends from each side to hang out with. Spouses can understand each other’s psyche and point of view better in such marriages. In such marriages, spouses are able to cooperate with each other better and handle responsibilities of running the house equally. The compatibility quotient among same-age partners also may be high.

Coming to the negatives where there is no age difference between spouses, ego problems that crop up between partners creates problems. In such cases, what I have seen, is that, ego plays a major part and spouses are hesitant to buckle down or mellow down in a fight or squabble.

sachin

Anjali Tendulkar is 5 years older than Sachin Tendulkar.

The third case scenario is where the wife is older to the husband, although, such marriages are rare even today, but most of them are successful. When a woman is older to a man in a relationship, she is able to handle the man sensitively and cleverly. Most of the time, the reigns and command of the marriage are in the wife’s hand and she pulls the strings effectively and efficiently to make the relationship work. In such relationships, the guy receives a lot of pampering and affection, and that makes him stick to his spouse for long. These women are sometimes called as cougar, but that’s a bad word to describe women. The best example for an older wife and younger husband is that of Anjali and Sachin Tendulkar. I think theirs is an almost perfect marriage. There are no hitches and Sachin and Anjali’s marriage seems to be going great guns even after so many years.

In spite of pros and cons in each category detailed above, differences do crop up between couples and divorces do happen. What works is the compatibility factor between the spouses and the levels to which they are willing to compromise and adjust to make the marriage work.

Which one of the above marriages do you think is the most feasible? Do voice your opinions too.

Image source:1,2

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{ 111 comments… read them below or add one }

Taps June 23, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Jomol very nice article ! :thumbsup: I feel if there is a gap of 3-4 years between the boy and girl, its good, not more not less.boy and girl of same age group have problems,Boys are lots immatured but girls of same age are mentally more matured, so pairing not good.in my case, my boyfriend is 6 months younger than me, thats why we fight na, as he doesnot understand my points easily!

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Shai June 23, 2011 at 4:23 pm

I think it varies from person to person.. I would always think that I liked either a huge gap or no gap at all… I got the latter… there is just 1.5 years between us and we are good friends, but of course my husband often complains I dont respect him enough!!! :P . Then again, I think you can have grey hair and still be totally immature and vice versa!

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shivs June 23, 2011 at 4:39 pm

mera comment chala gaya!!1
nice article jomolaayyyy….lovesssss…
mere hubby and mere mein 1 yr difference and its a love marriage….but he is calmer,more practical and mature :P: regarding decisions they are mutual usually…coz maybe as you said the age gap is not much …

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mahira June 23, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Jomol, awsome article dear…even i m 11 yrs younger to my hubby,nd as u say,ours is also a perfect marriage(touchwood)..
i also found it very difficult,in adjusting to my surroundings in initial days as all my in laws are very big for my age,my mil is almost my grandmom’s age nd all the sil’s are atleast 12 yrs -15yrs elder to me,nd my younger bil is 9 yrs elder to me(imagine my plight!) :stars: i cnt relate to any1 in my family,bt my hubby manages it all..
you know i m only 5 yrs older to my eldest nephew :toothygrin: ,so all my nieces nd nephews are very comfortable with me..lol,coz they r almost of my generation :rotfl:

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Aditi June 23, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Helpful article Jomol!! :D :thanks:
“..even though my husband regrets marrying me, I don’t regret marrying him ” ROFL :lol2: :lol2:
I’m sure husband never has a dull moment when you are around….for that matter even we at IMBB never have a dull moment when you are around.. :toothygrin:

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Pooja_G June 23, 2011 at 4:54 pm

exactly my thoughts!! :happydance: :happydance: :happydance:

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 4:47 pm

you know jomol why your hubby never asks you about the investment decisions? because he knows that you would come up with only one answer ” my gold jewellery” :lol2:

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calicoaster June 23, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Pooja_G June 23, 2011 at 4:52 pm

:lol2:

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sim June 23, 2011 at 4:56 pm

rati me also thinking the same………gold and oriflame :high5:

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fahee June 23, 2011 at 5:21 pm

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

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shivs June 23, 2011 at 5:01 pm

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot: :woot:

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 4:48 pm

this article is so close to my heart. me and my husband have an age difference of 10 years only that I am the older one. it has worked so far..ups and downs but nothing to do with the age factor. :) I would not regret it for even a second. I dont think he does either (hope not :chewnails )

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 5:07 pm

that is all that matters at the end of the day, Aruna. :puchhi:

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shivs June 23, 2011 at 6:03 pm

poochies aruna……yes all that matters is love…and yes in a conservative society like ours it takes real love to cross these barriers!!

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calicoaster June 23, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Lovely article Jomol!! :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: I loved reading your experience and I am happy that wives elder than their husbands have good life too!! :D

But I am elder to my husband and he still treats me as a kid!! :| Calls me “chhoti ladki” all the time!! :P And I am the one to receive all the pampering etc etc!! :P :P

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calicoaster June 23, 2011 at 4:56 pm

But we never fight because of age difference. I mean I sometimes feel he is a lot more matured than me. We both compliment quite well..and have positive and negative traits to blend in together. I still don’t understand what exactly is it….
Like sometimes when I get super angry..he behaves like dada jee and calms me down so playfully as if I am some small kid throwing tantrums. When he is angry, I become the most sensible person on this planet..We never had understanding problems….and the weirdest thing is sometimes I don’t speak anything but he reacts to my thoughts..and vice versa…. :) :)

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 4:59 pm

well said Cali.. :handshake:

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calicoaster June 23, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Pooja_G June 23, 2011 at 4:50 pm

ok..i have read somewhere that suppose boy n girl who r of equal age …the girl has maturity of +3yrs older than the boy (does it make sense!?)…somehow I also believe it and think a perfect age diff b/w girl and boy should be 3-4yrs (ofcourse the boy should be the elder here)…

But I have also came across few couples where the girl is 1yr elder to the boy and that their relationship is working fine as any other normal couple…

also i came to know of another couple where the girl is 10yrs older than the boy…and did a court marriage then things settles down at home…n now they have a baby too…but now the guy is losing interest in his wife….well this can happen to any couple but there seems the age factor working as the main cause!

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Fly Girl June 23, 2011 at 4:54 pm

i dont have a husband.chota bada ya barabar ka :shame:

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sim June 23, 2011 at 5:31 pm

:bash: :bash: ………..wt you want ?:) ?:) :spank: :spank:

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jigyasa June 23, 2011 at 6:56 pm

same to same…neither i hve… :cry: :cry:

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sim June 23, 2011 at 4:55 pm

nice article jomol :waytogo: :waytogo: me and my hubby age diff only 7 month ……..but he is much mature than me….but he always appreciate me and approach me for decision :haanji: and me happy as he takes care me,understand my problem and feeling …after all we are good frnd before marriage………..but yeah some time ego comes between…..as me also refuse to say sorry in case………but this can come in all relationship ……..but love comes first between good hubby- wife relation….. :aajanachle: :aajanachle: ……….jomol “world’s most horrible cook” :puchhi: sometime me too :handshake: :thanks: for this article :puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi:

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sim June 23, 2011 at 5:00 pm

but finally i think age diff doent matter between love relationship…….good understanding and love must be require only………. :puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi: :aajanachle: :aajanachle:

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I barely ever judge couples based on their looks or age differences. May be because I have seen all kinds of couples around me. I have seen couples of same age, wife older- husband younger or vice versa. so far couples stay with each other, love each other, are able to resolve the problems between them, it’s all cool at the end of the day. So I am a total neutral party. :D

sanjeev and I have a 7 year age difference . I do enjoy the pampering part but we do end up having major ego clashes at times. thankfully he treats me as an individual rather than a younger one in the family so so far so good. :wink:

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 5:10 pm

:yes: you know in most cases the couple balance out one another. if you have the right attitude and the determination to work through it, anything is workable.

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Shai June 23, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Yes, I would say it is more important for both spouses to be on the same page…nothing to do with age.

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 5:18 pm

:yes: :yes:

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 5:27 pm

:waytogo:

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Fly Girl June 23, 2011 at 5:00 pm

my ex was younger than me
arunaaa :nonono: :nonono: :nonono: :nonono: :nonono:

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Fly Girl June 23, 2011 at 5:01 pm

jomolay this is very well written.very precise :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star: :star:
and i would love to be in a marrige like ur ;)pampered and loved and SONAFIED :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo:

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shivs June 23, 2011 at 5:03 pm

:lol2: :lol2: sonaafied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

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Pooja_G June 23, 2011 at 5:04 pm

SONAFIED!! :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 5:05 pm
calicoaster June 23, 2011 at 5:06 pm

lolllllllll!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Shai June 23, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Lol!

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sim June 23, 2011 at 5:36 pm

khi khi khi khi khi :lol2:

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Fly Girl June 23, 2011 at 5:07 pm

ha ha ah yesh yesh!!!!let jomo come nd read this we all r gona get spankeddd :jog:

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Fly Girl June 23, 2011 at 5:13 pm

no i meant arunaaaa :puchhi:

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 5:21 pm

ah ok…whew!!! :-*

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Fly Girl June 23, 2011 at 5:18 pm

have we ladies hear Jalebi bai?the song???ha ha ha!!
:jalwa: :jalwa:

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Fly Girl June 23, 2011 at 5:20 pm

aareee aruna me too!MY ex boy friend was younger to me too…….u me same case,oily sister ;)

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 5:24 pm

got it babe..:) :-*

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Gini June 23, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Very nice article Jomol…
yes, people do day that women tend to look older than men of same age… and that women are more matured…
but i believe its all about personal choices… i mean you can easily find a 24 year old guy who takes the responsibility of the whole family … and some girls are like nearing 30s, but are way to kiddish to handle…
so it depends a lot on upbringing and exposure to the uter world that makes a person mature…

but regarding looks… a woman just needs to work harder on it… even if she is younger than the man… but thats how our body is made right? women tend to gain weight due to childbirth but dont you think that is the awesommest blessing God could have ever given?

myself and my boyfriend are of same age, he is almost a year older than me… but he is way more matured than me and guides me always… we take decisions together… plan together… yes, we do have our share of problems… but how can you appriciate a sunrise if you never see the darkness?
so i believe, it is about an individual and how a person handles oneself…

marriages cannot be saved by some age difference calculation… it requries respect, love, care, undivided attention and most importantly, a huge sense of responsibility – and all these factors should be contributed by both…
you can only clap with two hands… not one :)

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 5:29 pm

:yes: so very true..i really want to make that anouncement to the whole wide world :announce: :announce:

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Gini June 23, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Aruna, i am so proud of you dear…
you know, often with all the kinds of differences (age/ caste/ financial), the couples are absolutely okay and comfortable with each other… but the neighbours and relatives (who always have so very “relative” approach towards you… will poke u n number of times with a sensitive issue you hate to discuss… but when you need help, they are nowhere to be seen)!!!

they will always keep you reminding of your issues… i mean i guess with couple where the girl is even 1 day older than the guy, even if any slight issue pops up (which is very obvious if you stay 24X7 together) , they will always say, it is only because of the girl that there is a problem!!! had she been younger than the guy, ye kabhi nehi hota…

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shivs June 23, 2011 at 6:06 pm

me agree gini….bu these others are never there for us when we need them……is only people we love ad stand by us who matter!!

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Gini June 23, 2011 at 6:11 pm

yes!!!
you know, once i was very depressed regarding something some “other” said…
my boyfriend then told me
“hear whatever people says, but listen to only those who will stay by you in times of need and act only as per your decision”

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 7:21 pm

ya he was right. over time you learn to ignore the stuff that you dont care about and the ony person that matters are the ones close to you..becos lemme tell u relatives are also not easy..they can be just as bit%hy

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Sanjeev June 23, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Only time neighbors figure on my horizon is when I am out of sugar or tea and don’t want to go to market O:)

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Gini June 24, 2011 at 8:36 am

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:
you reminded us of my neighbour!!! ditto her behaviour

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Fly Girl June 23, 2011 at 5:28 pm

:puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi:

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Gini June 23, 2011 at 5:52 pm

:puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi:

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Fly Girl June 23, 2011 at 5:30 pm

gini POINT!PERIODDDD!!!

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Gini June 23, 2011 at 6:06 pm

:thanks:

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Ritika June 23, 2011 at 5:38 pm

I have never dated a guy younger than me :stars: :stars: :stars: :stars: :stars:

I always ended dating guys who were either my age or older . My boyfriend is 2 years older than me, which I think is great becuase I tend to get bossy around people of my age :specs: :specs: :specs: :specs:

Okay may be thats why my past relationships didnt work :| :| :|

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 5:40 pm
shivs June 23, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Fly Girl June 23, 2011 at 5:39 pm

dear priya,
earlier it was different in many ways.
maybe there were people around you,you dint know who were not ideal(in your eyes)
its not about the era,looks,stage,time,or age.all it is about is like gingi said how you flourish and hold hands and walk towards being “happily married ever after”

the notion about elder man and younger woman does not stand true as things which appear huge at first sight i.e age difference turn out so small and tiny viny eventually that u cant even see em ;)

:teddy: for u

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Manisha June 23, 2011 at 5:48 pm

:aajanachle:

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nids June 23, 2011 at 7:35 pm

very interesting article & very well written too, jomol…. now i kno y u talk so soo funny on IMBB too.. u r a kid still… :toothygrin: :toothygrin: .. & its very right tht ur hubbby is more mature.. 1 needs to be like tht in marriage… well, mine is an arranged marriage & there’s just a gap of 3 yrs b/w me n my hubby… v compliment each other well :balle: :balle: .. although i the Boss here, but yeah where to invest & wht to invest is all done by him, he just explains me wht he’ll do & how v’ll b profited.. :D :D
Pampered 1 is again me, i get wht i desire.. he agrees to all my whims.. :haanji: :haanji: :manicure: :manicure: …
there r fights … huge fights also but he’s the 1 to say ‘sorry’ coz mostly he is at fault.. so i hav to make him understand.. :| :|
& Plzzz, i’m sure ur hubby is not regretting marrying u.. :joker: :joker: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi: :hihi:

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Sanjeev June 23, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Not till he reads IMBB that is… :vampire: :vampire: :vampire:

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Shreya June 23, 2011 at 7:44 pm

I dont have much to say this article was so nice to read and so nice to listen to so many women sharing their stories i just wanna give a BIG HUG to every one :) it feels good to have many good hearted people around :) :puchhi: :happydance:

i just have one point to make … i mean from my l’ll knowledge i feel for any relationship to survive we should always understand and value ourselves 1st completely bz if we do not love & respect ourselves when alone none of our partners either young same aged or older ones would be able to love and respect us. Young or old sometimes even men like being pampered ..

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Bee June 23, 2011 at 8:11 pm

JOMU – ure a kiddo no doubt but such a mature article!!!
loved everyone’s views especially Gini’s. I remebered this one instance when I was small and we had gone to some relatives house- that uncle got married to a lady who was married earlier and her hubby had died,… but she was a wonderful lady… I like her even today. and the entire evening ppl kept calling her “second hand “. I mean seriously- I was a kid still I knew that as long as they are happy the othe rppl had no right to interfere… I donno how the poor lady handled it…

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Gini June 24, 2011 at 8:50 am

:thanks: for appreciating my point :)

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Shweta June 23, 2011 at 8:16 pm

My Mom and Dad have an age gap of 8 years and my dad is the rein holder.My mum is always considered to be immature and never taken seriously and tat makes her feel very bad. :wilt: My dad is more serious sometimes I feel they compliment but mostly it is an incompatibility fgt.So I think an age gap of 2-3 yrs is gud :thumbsup:

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Nia June 23, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Nice to read views of everybody…..but there is no “rule” as such as far as guessing success of a relationship…..more gap or less gap….or equal….happy marriages last for other reasons…..its mutual respect, knowing boundaries of relationship, being careful about likes and dislikes, being friends when necessary, being a guide when necessary, being stubborn when necessary, one has to fill roles as per need. Maturity comes with age, what you go through, how you learn to handle things etc etc.

We had lot of fights in first 5 years of marriage, most of them were pretty immature now that I think of it…..but it has tapered down to 1-2 major fights a year……

I thank God everytime I think I have everything I want in a husband. He is friendly, a great advisor, a great thinker, very logical, very focused, mature and has right attitude about money, investments and future goals. He is 3 1/2 yrs older to me, but to me it helps as I can leave to him to take care of me :) and pamper me and guide me when I am lost. Yes, he is stubborn at times and has done things that brings regret, but one has to learn that nothing can be perfect. How you deal with difficulties bring true colors of relationship.

Some times I am surprised that we never or hardly fight about matters relating to raising of kids, spending money, travel plans, we are almost okay with whatever one decides…..he leaves most things upto me and doesnt interfere…..then I leave some things upto him and dont interfere……but always keep updated to each other…….

Touchwood!

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Nia June 23, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Well the biggest help I got from him ( I know he gets frustrated sometimes), that I learnt to step out of my comfort zone……I almost do not want to undertake any hard task, any complex work……(unless its my work…I am very competitive that way though)…….if anything is new, I would do bahanas about not to learn etc….so he has always pushed me to test my boundaries…..and I always pass with flying success…then I feel so good.

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 9:15 pm

it was great to read your inputs , Nia. and I 100% agree on your thoughts about making a relationship work. i myself believe in that. :)

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Nia June 23, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Thank you Rati…… :puchhi:

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Teena June 24, 2011 at 11:15 am

Nia, I can almost hearing me saying what u are saying :) Completely agree with you.

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Nupur June 23, 2011 at 9:11 pm

fab article jomu…. :waytogo: :waytogo: :waytogo:
i guess, the general rule is 3-4 yrs age diffrnce b/w husband n wife…….. :)
but my mom used to say, tht marriages whr girls r elder thn thr husbands, are super duper happy n successful ones…….. :toothygrin: :toothygrin:
i wud thou prefer to marry someone my age only O:) O:) O:)

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 9:12 pm

i hope you find one soon noofoor. :puchhi:

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Nupur June 24, 2011 at 12:13 am

oh thnku rati :shy: :shy: :shy:
:puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi: :puchhi:

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Sanjeev June 23, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Yes, if you wait a couple of years more, the guys of your age would be ’rounder’ and ‘balder.’ So catch them young. O:)

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Nupur June 24, 2011 at 12:18 am
Rati June 24, 2011 at 9:20 am

this time toh i’d agree noofoor. get married fats fats. mujhe saree phne ka mauka chahiye. :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug:

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Ankita June 23, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Everyone has given such nice insights here and if there was a “like” button, I would have pressed that for a lot of comments on this post :) There are a lot of marriages especially arranged(no offence to anyone) that are not unsuccessful despite incompatibility i.e they do not end in divorce but they are not successful either- divorce is not as common in India as in the West. Frankly, I do not see much understanding in most couples of my parents and grandparents generation, in most cases the woman is in a more submissive role and is not treated like an individual. Thankfully, modern day couples are able to find more love and understanding and take on the role of ‘partners’ in the true sense. I’ve always felt that more than love, you need to ‘care’ for a relationship to work.

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Sanjeev June 23, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Ankita, a very sweeping generalization :) I am sure relationships in our generation or the next are as satisfying/ dissatisfying as that of the older generation. :)

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Shai June 24, 2011 at 11:10 am

My home state is seeing a 350% rise in divorce rates.. I guess no one’s willing to compromise beyond a point any longer. Loads of affairs too. I tend to think that any marriage can fall apart, arranged marriages cos the decision is taken by someone else and so compatibility is not a given… and love marriages, strangely because the couple seeks to revisit the thrill and magic of the initial stage of falling in love… it’s true, I’ve seen it happen to people around me.

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Sanjeev June 23, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Hmm :) So if a relationship works it works despite the age difference, and if it doesn’t work it doesn’t work because of the age difference. :P

The humorous part is that both men and women DO like some stereotypes in their partners. For example, women would prefer a man who is able to make decisions, can take the lead, and is a little headstrong. But after the marriage, the same man seems bossy and stubborn. The man who could think logically before marriage now is charged with not listening to you because he feels that what he is doing is logical. O:)

In any case, age difference is completely unrelated to success of a relationship. The question is similar to asking “Would your relationship work if your partner had an appendix operation?”

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Nia June 23, 2011 at 10:05 pm

If it doesnt work, it doesnt work. In case of extreme physical/mental abuse, in case of severe alcoholism, in case of infidelity, in case of extreme family turmoil…..age is irrelevant…these are the cases when relationships fall apart and divorces happen.

In normal course of relationships, stereotypes do work out better as it has been the norm. I was eldest in case of siblings, so I would love to be pampered, to be looked after…..as I always was the “eldest one”…….so that could be the factor where a woman likes to be “looked after”……other would be women generally take care of kids, household chores, cooking, in-laws etc…..so why would she want additional burden of “outside” stuff…..but since scenarios are now changing with education, less kids, smaller families, living apart from in-laws….brings all these questions up…which is natural…..but each can handle to best of his capabilities…..that is general law of economics….do what you know best. Barter the rest.

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bhumika June 24, 2011 at 1:39 am

so agree sanjeev…it all depnds on compatibility…ya the bossy thg cums..n all relatnshps have their fair share of ego clashes…just handling d tym n relatnshp at that moment is crucial… :))
nice article jomol..loved reading it :yes:

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Bee June 23, 2011 at 10:40 pm

I totally agree with Nia- the bond between the husband and wife should be strong so that no “relative ” pressure can affect it.

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praseena June 24, 2011 at 3:58 am

nice to read. and the discussion below is even more enjoyable and frank :) cheers to everyone! :waytogo:

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Nirmala June 24, 2011 at 11:04 am

In most of the marriages to maintain peace at home, and stability in a marriage, it is only one person
who gives in, either the wife or husband. One’s goodness or kindness is considered
as weakness and taken advantage of.
Whether a man or a woman is older/younger/same age, there is always a child in each of us longing to be petted/pampered/nurtured irrespective of our age. if those childish emotional needs are met, i dont think age will be an issue.

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Nia June 24, 2011 at 6:37 pm

:yes: :yes: :yes:

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Jinal June 24, 2011 at 12:06 pm

In my case I am elder one…..though the difference is just 10 months the maturity level is opposite. He is very immature. Though sometimes I do throw tantrums but at the end it’s always me who have to calm down and say sorry to make it work. But together we just compliment each other brilliantly and I feel we can lead a great life together. So for me age difference is not a hindrance in maintaining a relation. It’s just love, trust and respect for each other that makes a super-duper compatible future. :) :heart:

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calicoaster June 24, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Sahiiiiiiiii kaha Jinal!!! :D And how are youuuuuuu?? where have you been? I am still waiting for photos!! :(

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Arja June 24, 2011 at 11:44 pm

cnt agree more.it really doesnt matter ,and i`d love to have a partner 3-4 yrs elder to me – like my parents – they have a beautiful marriage evn with a diff of 8 yrs :) but i guess nowadays,many prefer partners of the same age or evn 1-2 yrs younger evn if its the hubby..its really more about the mental set-up and the compatibility of thoughts -as they say being of the same wavelength..which matters :) there`s really no such proof that its only age difference alone can wreck a marriage,m sure there must have been other factors in consideration

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Kittu April 11, 2013 at 12:51 am

Nice article jomol di.

In my case i m 3yrs older than my spcl1. Bt he is vry mature and suljha hua typ.. Bt sumtyms uski samajhdari ghaas khane chali jati h.. :-D
bt at the end day he is vry swt,cute boy who loves me vry vry mch. He undrstnds me vry well.

But ab is relatnsp ko sayad fullstp lag jaegi coz my parents dont like him.. Coz his financial conditn is lower than us.. Funny na!! Bt its tragedy of my life.. We tried a lot,bt we failed.. I dnt hv the guts to marry him against my parents approval. Dnt know ab aage meri life kiske sth kaise bitegi! Finger crossed…

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Lena William September 15, 2013 at 8:11 pm

Very very well written article i must say, i have heard that age difference between husband and wife should be 4 to 5 years, but this article is saying that age doesn’t matter as long as long and friendship is in between couple, but there is a problem i see in same marriages when husband reach age of 40 he still is looking young and women at 40 seems older and husband lose interest in her wife, and look for younger wife.

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saba November 11, 2014 at 9:18 am

This article finally gave me some peace of mind… I am getting married this month n my would b is 10 yrs older to me n this fact is killing me though he seems to b nice n understanding still his age factor bother’s me a lot as I had never imagine to be settled with some so much older to me n am afraid how I am going to adjust and to add up after a marriage I’ll be in another state too far from my home :( all my fears are boiling inside just hope all goes well…. After reading ur article jomol I am a little at ease :)

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 4:54 pm

:nababana: :nababana: (always wanted to use this emoticon finally got a chance to use it :))

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 4:58 pm

i dont think you can make a general rule of it..if it is so based on looks then there is something wrong in the first place..that can happen even in the same age marriages or wife younger/guy older types..end of the day everyone needs to be fit and look after themselves. ya i do agree that when the woman is older, kids etc become a major factor cos medically it becomes difficult to have kids..

i think if the guy has the wrong attitude in the first place, even if his ‘younger’ wife puts on weight after pregnancy etc, he can still leave her..like someoe said it is compatibility that matters..

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Pooja_G June 23, 2011 at 5:00 pm

ya even when i saw the couple for the first time I felt a bit awkward…because the lady seemed so aged compared to the guy that she cud have passed as his mother…I m not being offensive or mean but ya it is true.. :shutmouth:

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calicoaster June 23, 2011 at 5:01 pm

I think 10 years is quite a huge gap and it is a fact that ladies tend to look older soon.. But even at the time they got married, they weren’t kids right? This is something that needs to be accepted by both parties before marriage only..

And looks can change and deteriorate even without aging too coz of various other reasons, no matter the girl is of same age, younger or older… then also would he leave his wife??? Then it is definitely the attitude problem of that guy!!

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 5:04 pm

i agree aruna. looks and physical attraction really disappear after a point of time. it’s the respect and love for each other that holds two people together. I wouldn’t want a a drop dead gorgeous husband who would only make me feel bad about myself. Btw i have gone through that phase also with one of my bf. so I really know the importance of being a good human being than just being a good “looking” human being.

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Pooja_G June 23, 2011 at 5:01 pm

yes I agree Aruna…It totally depends on one’s own perspective and how they think about their relation… :)

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 5:07 pm

ya i have had sidey remarks passed..when we got engaged and we were throwing a party, there was this one creature who came and asked me ‘aruna, what do you want as a gift? a pram?’..i was too meek to give that woman an answer at that time. if only that woman dared now she wouldnt know what hit her :lol2: i’d probably give it back..i remember feeling terrible and my husband said u have given these ppl too much lienience (spelling???) to talk to you like that..i just got stronger cos I knew i wud get these nasty comments and that i shud be prepared for it

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calicoaster June 23, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Aruna…Tight Hugsssssssssssssss!!!! :) :)

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Shai June 23, 2011 at 5:12 pm

You should’ve kicked her behind!!! Seriously, where do people get off saying such things? My husband and I are nearly the same age, and he looks extremely young anyway. There are no guarantees in any relationship… I think a man who wants to stray would stray anyway, regardless of the age of his wife!

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Pooja_G June 23, 2011 at 5:13 pm

When a couple are in love and want to spend their life with each other and are true to their hearts, nothing else and no one else matters..! O:) O:) :) :)

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 5:16 pm

ya ya..she wont dare now..we r still in touch and thing is that when you have a guy next to you who will fight for u ppl wont dare either..then i was still too naive..

rightly said Shai about the straying bit.

i just think that ppl these days ppl think being modern is about wearing the ‘right’ clothes and looking ‘right’..i think my parents, my inlaws though much older and not so ‘hep’ are so much more modern in their thinking and their outlook of life.

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 5:26 pm

it can happen in all cases priya. one of my close friend got divorced recently. every thing was perfect from looks to age difference. if it doesn’t work , it doesn’t. There are no rules or logics behind why relationships work or why they don’t. It’s just two people who decide the fate of their relationship. It a lot to make a relationship work.

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Aruna June 23, 2011 at 5:28 pm

ya whats the use of a good looking husband or older husband if their thinking is crap!!..I’d rather be with a guy who respects me and who understands me and there is equal give and take irrespective of the age..

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 5:39 pm

true! :))

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Ritika June 23, 2011 at 5:46 pm

I so agree with what you just said…it it doesnt work,it wont EVER !
And if it does work,you wont ever be able to find logic behind it :silly: :silly: :silly: :silly:

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Rati June 23, 2011 at 5:49 pm

yeah. relationships are phunny things. :D :D

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