Poornima S. Asks
Hello Everyone,
I would be glad if I could get some tips on this topic. There must be a lot of experienced working women, who would have passed through this situation. Let me explain what I am going through. I have 7 years of experience in IT field. I am at a stage where I have to improve my skills so that I can step higher in the growth ladder. So, I started taking up certifications, etc. I usually do not discuss my personal life or even professional goals with other women at work. Because from the beginning, I felt that they are nosy, always gossiping about what others are doing in their professional as well personal life. The extent of their talk can even go to the extent about which male colleague has a bigger tummy, better bank balance, which type of girl he will marry, and who has extramarital affairs etc. I try to stay away, but then one cannot be away from such people in a professional environment. But now, they have started to talk behind my back and portray to the male colleagues that its me who passes such comments because I am the most cheerful and loud person on the floor. I am now confused, I am being myself, cheerful, outgoing and at same time, I never comment on anyone’s personal life. I can make out that all this is happening only because they are jealous of my growth. These women are married, experienced and are in power. If I confront them, I am scared that I might be victimized and never be able to work anywhere. I really don’t know how to deal with these women, I don’t want my other team mates to misunderstand me. I look up to them to learn, but instead they look at me as some competition and are not matured enough to let others grow.
Any tips to confront them will be awesome ! I really love my work and the rest of the team, I would never want to go to another company.
1st of all, stay calm.. Ur problem will be as big as u wil take it and as small as u will make it.
girls talk.. thats an universal truth. what u need to do is, keep biscuits in front of dogs and ignore. u dont have to change urself.. be as u r..
as an IT careerist, its very imp to keep urself updated and as u r going for professional certifications, no1 can block your path anyway. So dont worry that you may b victimized or anything. Just concentrate on your work and give 100% there.
Eventually people will know who talks behind whose back. Never go argue them. Its useless..
All the best dear!!!
hi poornima..i completely understand wht you r goin thru..i come from an airline background and the politics in tht field can put lok sabha n rajya sabha to shame !i like u am a very outgoing n friendly person n tht was used against me n ppl started talking shit abt me !saying tht i have a disreputable character n stuff. that really hurt me but i had good friends n faith in myself n when i gt to kno who was spreading this i just calmly went upto her n told do u have a problem ?or r u so obsessed by me tht u keep on talking on abt me ?that shut her up!but all i can say is concentrate on ur work be trye to urself n u will be ok.. n think of it this way !they think u r important enuff to be on their minds all the time
Hi Poornima.. i am not as experienced in the IT field as you are but i have come across few of my friends going through the same situation.. If you are good, you don’t need to show it.. it will be perceived by ppl automatically. office politics and gossips are an inevitable part of any team/office.. you cannot stop it or run away from it. if you believe in yourself and do what you are doing right now, no1 can stop you. you dont have to be scared of such females who are more concerned about other ppl’s lives than their own. concentrate on your work, your goals. in the end, every1 will be far behind in the race and you would be at the top! congratulations for your success and all the best for future growth! 🙂
well the advice I can give you is that it is very important to maintain the dignity in office and the perception your boss has of you is really the most important. If that remains intact noone can really come in the way of your growth. and the fact that you have been able to climb the ladder is enough proof that the management is not reallt concerned with what the others have to say of you. Your work should speak for you cos end of the day thats what matters and if you are cheerful and dont cause harm thats really all there is to it.
I would say ignore such ppl (easier said than done I know). Once they realize its not bothering you they’ll stop. When they see thats effecting you they’ll do it even more..
Chill, relax..nothing bothers ppl more than ignoring them 🙂 you are doing the right thing.
let teh talkers talk….you walk your walk!!!!:)you go girl
You really shouldn’t be worried about those aunties you know. Gossiping women are the last thing one needs to worry about in an IT team. Trust me, I have seen worse. I work in an all men team , who are ready to hijack you work and its credit, please your manager over the drinks etc.
I learned the hard way, but the best thing to do is work harder than before. If people are talking about you, it means you are already growing and they are jealous. You are already doing good and should continue.Dont ignore, be aware and alert.ALWAYS..
Hiii Poornima …..I’d the same experience very recently though I ain’t working.Well u know what all the fuss starts when you achieve more than what these married ladies ever can…..My friend is married ……and I’m very young…Shes right now in the same place where I am and we meet in evening classes.I always was in a gang of my age group girls and we would pass comments on like every little thing and we all know thats a group secret and is not at all serious.I thought she would consider it the same and commented on something.You wouldn’t believe in front of me she told that person what I said.I mean common are you dumb not to understand when a person is trying to be funny I was just trying to be funny.And I don’t care if that person would ever talk to me or not.But why put me in bad light???
She claims that I’m her best friend and this is what she does….daily she calls me and gossip about everyone we know.She never clarified with that person that it was she who meant that not me.I never gave any explanation to that person.Let it be.But carry on with your work.Mind you they are just trying divert your attention from your work.They know what you are capable of.May be just jealous and wanna see career ruined.Never concentrate what people talk about.
I have been a boss for many years now and I think you are worrying needlessly. In office, it is always crystal-clear who is working with their mouth and who is really working. And any boss worth his salt never wants to let go of people who are really working. So focus on your work. 🙂
i agree sanjeev !n like i said it shud be an ego boost in someways tht u r their minds !office politics is very common n the best way to not let it get to u is keep ur professional n personal life separate !u dont go to work to make friends rite !thats wht worked for me!
I completely agree with you Sanjeev…office has many kind of individuals and that defines their personality
People just have to talk..you do your things properly and everything will fall in place
Thanks a lot poornima for bringing up this question! This is a problem faced by every working woman! I have been working for 2 years plus and have started facing such problems now. And am glad this topic has cm on IMBB and i got some awesome solutions. Thanks ladies and of course sanjeev 🙂
Hey Even I am in the IT field and I can totally understand what you are going through.. Its very common these days.. the best thing is to be quiet and do your work. Let your work talk for you. You are there to work and not to gossip. Keep contact with your teammates pertaining only to work. I am sure your boss will notice your work.
Guys..
I was in IT for about 4.5 yrs including my stints at offsite and onsite in some reputed firms and all over India and have a total exp of arnd 6 yrs! But I am happy to say I have never faced it. Never. Infact I have had some very good friends from my professional team at work who knew me in and out.
Now after reading the testimony of many women out here.. I feel maybe I never felt it or experienced it because I was so immune to it. I had many interesting things to do at office – use their pure water for excessive drinking :P, free internet, lush green gardens for a walk during lunch/evening, extra curricular acts, vending machine coffee, the enormous knowledge bank for free reading and much more than these and haan the free ka phone on my desk! he he he..
I miss all this so badly now when I am a stay at home mum.
Focus on the good, forgive the bad. This time wont come back. And I really feel people in today’s world actually do not have to think about others.. and isnt that what we keep complaining about these days? 😉
the part is so very true..
Agree with you Surabhi..
Me also do the same things as you listed – spending time in library, getting fresh air in lawns, internet (most time in IMBB)..
Poornima – Even i have 6 + yrs of exp in IT, even i am going to say the same thing as everyone said, POLTICS and GOSSIP exist everywhere. So just ignore them and enjoy your life in office 🙂
Hi poornima 🙂 hats off u can still focus on ur work,m sure ur IT skills rock
and hats off to ur loyalty to the company i wish u luck though no tips to offer
i know IMBB gang of working women will be very helpful in this
all the very best!
Politics is inevitable in this competitive world now days. Some people want shortcuts..as in they don’t want to do good work but make other people’s work bad. So comes the gossip. When they know that they are lacking in talent,efficiency etc. and you are better than them they will obviously make use of other weapons. Just ignore them and keep doing your work. Work harder in fact! Try to keep good relations with all colleagues even though some women are talking against you. Eventually everyone will come to know about the truth. Just keep on doing your work..your boss must be smart enough to know who is working and who is not (That’s why he is the boss and progressed to that level). I call these gossip women ‘leaky pipes’. Don’t say anything or involve in any type of gossip with these leaky pipes and don’t try to fix them too..it’s not your job! Keep on doing good work..success will follow automatically 🙂
Poornima dont worry sweetheart!!
Same happens to me everywhere..
1. I am good at tech.(j factor 1)
2. And I use EYESHADOWS to office 😛 (j factor 2)
3. I do not take shit from my boss
but he can not survive without me.. 😛 he knows no body else can meet tight deadlines with quality..
moral of the story :
Do best of your work.. the bitches would turn to ashes in sometime..
Just ignore them and continue your good work. I too hear some people talk personal stuff in office, I use headphones to my rescue and always portray that I’m very busy for all the gossip.
Keep up your dignity and professionalism and don’t worry what people think of you, as far as your conscience is clear you should not worry. Goodluck!!
Moderation!!!!!!!
Always be urself. By the end of the day when people point fingers at you and bitch abt u behind ur back, the most annoying thing u can show them is that “u r unaffected”. the more u react to them and their opinions the more they wil try and harass you. I myself have been a target of office politics and the so called Bosses’ favorites. It used to effect me badly and ultimately i ended up being depressed and having a bad time at home and office. As far as u r doing a gud job and have a clear and gud relation with ur boss, u definitey need not worry. Dont worry ur self unnecessarily. Take each day as it confidently and as it comes.
Poornima, I know what you are going through!!! So did I almost a year ago… Reading all the comments, cheery and loud gals become the target, I think. The worst part of it is, they act as your BFE’s and dig your grave! I almost went to the extent of changing my job because of one incident at work that I couldn’t tolerate.. But just learnt to be myself.. But this taught me the most important lesson of my life – to analyze people.. Negative influences are to be avoided but we let them grow bigger and bigger by carrying their baggage.. Do you work, I am sure how much ever they try to put you down – none can stop your growth.. But remember, these still continue to talk around!! A small bit of advise – Never get influenced or believe their rumors!! To be honest, I consider them retards and losers 😛
Modertation 🙁
Hello Girls,
I totally agree to each of your comments, and thanks so much 🙂 🙂 , let my work speak for itself,thats the best thing to do.
@Shreya , I am the only one in this whole floor,who wears a lipgloss or lipstick! and i get all the weird looks daily,am used to the stares now.
Do your good.Dont wait for appreciation..it may or may not come.
Rest all..keep calm and kill people in your head..lolz…I meant keep doing your good work..no one can take away your brain,your thinking and your talent.
Smile more…it make syou glow and irritates the haters!!
Hi Poornima,
These people are thr everywhere and as long your management sees your work and u are good they don’t bother. As for work since ur promoted recently it seems u have plans to stay in same team and org for a while … so same time don’t mess with these people , they may comment that u got an attitude once u got promoted blah blah…as u have to work with same set of people just be chilled out and do speak casually , but get occupied in other activities instead of discussing life or stuff wid them….
and the aunties are everywhere … but at the end they stay where they are and u grow where u plan too…so don’t worry its u today tomrw it will be some other gal , they wont change …so y stress out ..ppl know their nature well!
hey i am not in IT, nor am i VERY experienced with all that goes on in the offices (i am just starting out in medical field) but what i do know from some experiences is that the people who say “xyz is saying these things about you”…or gossip about people around them, are the ones who show themselves in bad light to everyone else. for eg. when one of my college mates got introduced to me for the first time 5yrs ago, she started saying negative stuff about a lot of other people in the class. i believed her for a couple of months (i was naive) but gradually started to realize that if she’s bitching about other people, she hangs out with, to me…she must be bitching about me too behind my back. i became a better judge of people gradually. those who refuse to gossip with you, are the ones you should trust more and spend more time with.
the ladies in your office who gossip, can say whatever they want..but they are actually ruining their own reputation, not yours. your colleagues are grown up and they’ll surely see it sooner or later.