“He is not perfect. You arenít either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. Heís not going to quote poetry, heís not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Donít hurt him, donít change him, and donít expect for more than he can give. Donít analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when heís not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys donít exist, but thereís always one guy that is perfect for you.”
The moment a girl finishes her studies and starts earning, the dark clouds of marriage starts floating above her head. We loved playing with kitchen sets when we were kids, but in real life thinking about getting married makes us nervous, especially when you or your family have opted for an arranged marriage.
There was a time when marriages were made in heaven, but heaven seems to be too busy for this kind of work and happily recruited matrimonial sites to do their job. You’ll be surprised to know the number of people finding their partner through arranged marriage. There could be number of practical reasons for that also. Arranged marriages are not always bad until it is forced upon you. Before, you jump into the arranged marriage circus, here are the things to do or consider for a healthy, happy and peaceful future married life!
1) Do You Know Your Partner Well?
Spend time together as much as possible, if both of you are in the same city. If not, then you will find sudden best friends in Skype and mobile phones. Since you’re marrying a complete stranger, it’s mandatory that you understand what kind of a person he is. What traits does he carry. Nobody is perfect, but ask yourself if his kind of imperfections are acceptable to you? Have frank discussions with him. Sometimes, small and useless topics can really help you to figure out a person.
2) Unrealistic Expectations
Let your partner know whatever expectations you’ve from him. Clear it out before marriage. Don’t assume things and build castles in the air. If you’re dreaming about 10 Ferrari after marriage, please do let him know that. Marriage often becomes bitter because of unrealistic expectations.
Role of in-laws is as vital as your partner’s to make your marriage life peaceful. It is not always possible to spend more time with them before marriage so both the parties remain completely unknown about each other’s nature. To make things easy for you after marriage, have a talk to your in-laws to figure them out. Get to know each other’s expectations. Ask if they are happy with your decision of getting married. If possible, then talk to your mother-in-law about her insecurities if any. This would give you a clear idea of what lie ahead and will help you to be mentally prepared for it.
4) Past Is Not Past
Sometimes a relationship ends or we decide to end it for good. It’s okay to have a past. Almost everyone has a past. Do not try to hide your past from your future husband. This is wrong in every way. You cannot build a relationship based on lies. Don’t be ashamed of your past. Moreover, be proud that you gave your love to someone, not hatred. If your partner cannot accept your past, he doesn’t deserve to be in your present or future.
5) Don’t Wear Any Mask
Girls, please show the real you to your partner before marriage. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. If you hide your true self, then he will not be falling in love with you, but with a girl which you’re not. In arranged marriages, brides, grooms and even their family members present themselves as perfect beings to each other. No one is perfect in this world. Don’t be scared to show your flaws to others. Let them decide if they can deal with it or not.
6) No Jeans after Marriage?
You might think that it’s a trivial issue, but sometimes after marriage, in a completely new environment and around new people it takes away your peace of mind. Therefore, make sure that you’ll be able to wear clothes of your choice even after marriage. I am not saying that make sure that it should be okay to wear micro minis to temples, but that is something we wouldn’t do anyway. Isn’t it?
7) A Full Time Worker or Homemaker
Let them know your stand on your work life, your goals, hobbies, passion and ambitions. If there is any problem then you will know about it before and will be able to take decisions accordingly. It wouldn’t be a wise thing to leave your career, your dreams for no reasons.
8) Once A Daughter, Always A Daughter
I find it really strange that our society enforces that a girl is a daughter-in-law first after marriage, but a man is not son-in-law first. Why? What could be the logical reasons for it? I believe a daughter is always a daughter, just like sons. I don’t believe a girl becomes stranger to their parents or have no responsibility after marriage. This is such a sick mentality. Girls, please don’t accept it. We need to change this and we’ve to be that change ourselves. Know your partner’s mentality on this issue. Will there be any problem if you wish to visit your family as often as possible? Do they expect you to treat your family as less important? Would you be able to love your partner or his family if they come up with some weird rules for your family?
9) Mr. Right with Sense and Sensibilities
Try to know your partner’s stance on right to equality and gender neutrality. You wouldn’t love to spend your life with someone who is still stuck in 18th century.
10) Being Human
Finally, apply Sanju Baba’s trick from the film Munna Bhai MBBS to know your partner better. Observe his behavior when he is around less privileged people. A good human being with a kind heart is all you need in your future husband. We were taught that judging someone is never a good thing to do. But, when it comes to marrying a stranger, you can’t help it. It’s just not about you. If you make the right decision, you can save so many people’s life.
Hope these points help you to choose your Mr. Right. Also, if you’ve more ideas, please do share with us. All the best and warm hugs to those who are searching for their soul mates or anyone who is tying the knot soon.
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