How to Cope With Infertility


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motherhoodHow to cope with infertility:
Everytime I see children in cute toy advertisements or in real life- crossing roads holding their parents’ fingers, eating in the most sloppy manner with ketchup around their lips, bawling for a toy, or just running around in the playground- the thought comes to my mind that soon I’d be getting married and having kids of my own. I love kids and I wouldn’t mind having one or two troublemakers of my own. 🙂

A child brings along a world of its own. To its eye, everything seems fresh, new and wonderful. Observe a family during a festival- Diwali, Christmas, Id or others- and children would seem the most excited. While the grownups forget the joys and wonders of these festivals in their daily battles, the children never do. And their untiring chatter and boundless energy make our world cheerful and full of joy. No wonder it’s every woman’s dream to be blessed with motherhood. Every woman wants a share of this happiness.

If tomorrow I decide to start my family and come to know that I can’t bear a child my world can come crashing down. It’s been said many a times, being a mother completes a woman. Learning about one’s sterility can be devastating, leaving the woman and her spouse helpless and distraught. Communication could be the key to not letting infertility snowball into marital discontent and resentment. Couples should consider adoption as a means to quench their parental thirst. After all its the child that gives birth to the mother in a woman. Every child deserves a mother, as every woman deserves motherhood. But what if a woman can’t become a mother?

Infertility primarily refers to the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception. Infertility may also refer to the state of a woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term. With all the medicines, heavy alcohol use, drugs, environmental pollution, toxins including pesticides and lead, hormonal problems, radiation therapies and such infertility is nothing recent.

The tornado of emotions infertility brings is overwhelming. A woman may experience feelings of loss, rejection, loss of connection with your partner, mood swings, shame, denial, lost of self confidence and loss of self love.

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There are many ways you can brave this rocky phase of life. I am listing some of them here:


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• Talk it out: Talk to your husband about the feelings you are going through, talk to your parents and to close friends who know about your situation. It helps. Couples who are not able to converse with and seek support in each other in this situation often find themselves drifting apart. Women are more likely to talk it out and men are more prone to keeping it inside.
• Read and learn: be your own therapist in this situation. Read a lot of books on topics you like. Go online and Google every question and thought that crosses your mind. You would get many but sensible opinions about it.
• Blog about your life: I would not say it is necessary but it definitely helps to let go of your feelings and pour your heart out. Who knows you may find a support system online.
• Don’t blame yourself: this one is special in our case because in India everyone, from a woman’s mother-in-law to her family, is ready to blame the woman (the mother) if they come to know she is having trouble in getting pregnant. I want you all to clearly understand that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. You did not invite infertility. It can be you, your husband or just some other factor. No woman on her own chooses infertility and no one can blame you for this.
• Seek support: form a group or go on outings with woman and couples who are in the same boat.
• Examine yourself: concentrate on your thoughts and your anger. See and judge what things triggers you off and try keeping these triggers at bay. Try to do the things you like.
• Pamper yourself: Eat what you like the most. Forget about those extra kilos. Do what you like doing the most. Go shopping, go out hang out with your bunch of girlfriends, go to your favourite spa or, if possible, take that very dreamt and put off for later holiday to the relaxing back waters of Kerala with your spouse.
• Get support from professionals: If required go see a therapist. Take professional advice.
• Practise yoga and meditation: by practising meditation your can zero on your thoughts and keep all the negative energy around you away.
• Don’t let infertility take over your life: Continue withyour routine and try to add more to it. Never forgetting watering your plants, doing your morning chores or even dressing up.
• Maintain physical intimacy with your partner: stay close with your spouse and get that once in a day very needed hug from him.
• Balance optimism and realism: with all the technology available today 80 percent of infertile couple end up having a baby. If nothing else, you always have the lovely option of adoption.
• Lastly, have faith and patience. Time never stays the same and you do not know, you might just have a beautiful basket full of surprises waiting for you. 🙂

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Also Read:
How To Get Pregnant
How to Get Pregnant- Youtube Videos
How to Cope With Loneliness
Yoga Exercises During Pregnancy
How to Dress During Pregnancy

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42 thoughts on “How to Cope With Infertility

  1. wow….grt write-up.. not being able to have a child is a deal breaker…. i have my own little trouble maker and thank god every moment for giving him to me..

  2. my didi is getting the IVF thing done n i know what the family goes thru
    quite a sensitive topic
    nice write up fg
    have a great day

  3. 😥 😥 Well written article Raunak ,, :clap: :clap: :clap:

    :secret2: One Secret: I always wish to adopt atleast one baby girl.. coz of so many reasons.. & i will try my level Best to have one for sure.. whether i will become a proud mum of one or two.. but i will.. :thumbsup: :fingersxd:

  4. Girly, another good one from you….yup I agree with the wonderful option of adoption…they are too many children who are deprived of good life, why not adopt one, instead of cursing the lady, battling with her family forever.

  5. swati on ur ye wala comment u need to call me i hav to tell u aisa hi ek bada segrate too!!!!!sachiiiii :teddy: :teddy: :teddy: :teddy:

  6. touchy topic for sure..i am 43 and dont have one..while my family atleast dont make it out to be a bad thing, friends of mine (or atleast who I thought were friends of mine) pass sarcastic comments and make me out to be some kinda failure ‘cos of that..but now I have stopped caring..as long as my husband and me are in sync its allright..we are planning europe trips and long drives and trying new hobbies etc..all that we cudnt do or didnt do for so many years..

        1. aruna…….me love you for that…..acccepting things as they are or doing something to change them is wht life is all abt!!!the bottom line is do not crib ..accept or change!! hai na???

            1. aruna, posting official email id here is big no no. I suggest asking rati /sanjeev to delete it. Sandra bulluck ki ‘the net’ dekhi nahi kya

  7. well, I am an embryologist (I make test tube babies) and I’m well aware of the social stigma attached with infertility. But I feel ignorance is the worst enemy. One needs to be aware of the treatment options available (trust me there are many), and choose the most suitable one for themselves. 🙂

    1. do send me your email address..more gyan wud certainly be helpful though at 43 i am fighting a losing battle

      1. i agree neha…ignorance is the worst enemy…my sis had to go thro lot of treatment before she could conceive…but thankfully we read up a lot and the docs helped too in boosting her morale and giving options…. :teddy: :teddy: :teddy:

          1. Wow Neha, you guys as doctors recreate the God on earth…Appreciate your efforts Neha. May GOD bless you.

  8. @Aruna- i can understand what u have been through. :yes: but hey, i love your attitude..hold your head high and yes…dont react to the sarcy comments..they shall pass..and enjoy your time with your hubby.

    1. i certainly dont want to come across like a cry baby but what I wanted to convey was that we dont always get what we want. its more important to see live life well and count our blessings for all the wonderful things that have happened.

  9. i’m 29.i know the feeling of loss n depression..after having 2 miscarraiges, 1 ivf, 2 iui’s and truckloads of medicines, i had stopped trying…then the next month magically i conceived and now my little boy is almost 3 months old O:) . i think sometimes u just need to stop trying and get stress free.

    1. congratulations..its HOPE that makes the world go round so its fantastic to hear about your story. very inspiring.

      Good luck and lots of love to your little boy.

  10. Nice article FG 🙂 I’m sure it’ll benefit and help many women out there who deserve to be mothers but are unable to because of some reason or the other. Its so great that in today’s age these topics can be dealt with more openness and in an atmosphere of love and support.

    1. i so agree Ankita and most of all thats what i love IMBB for. its not just the makeup tip and the fun stuff. People here are actually reaching out to other women even though they dont know them. I am really touched.

  11. Nice article FG 🙂 this topic is so close to my heart.. I had two miscarriages. Its so sad to see that little angel in the scan and lose them and listen to all sorts of advice which is even more painful. I just wish all of you can pray for me 🙂

  12. jj,am sorry for what happened.this is the worst a woman can be put through. all prayers from the IMBB family and dont you worry things will soon be fine :lashes:

  13. great article flygirl….i am going through the same thing and it’s the support and the words of encouragement from family and friends like u that keep people like me strong!

  14. aww bhawana IMBB and all its girlies along with sanjeev ji(the gurla)are with you ;)he he!!!
    tough times neverr last :methinks:

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