Beauty & the Beast

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Beauty and the Beast!

At the very onset of this post, I would like to mention that this post comes out from the deepest hurt corners of my heart and I may sound very bitter and cruel while you read it and yeah the so-called ‘proud Delhiites’ may find it offensive. But I do not intend to say sorry as I have well researched my facts and today, at the moment I am not ready for any brick bats. So, if you think you cannot hear anyone say a bad-but-true thing about your city, please skip to the next post.

Delhi gang rape blog

I shouldn’t sound too harsh about Delhi as I belong to Meerut, the alleged crime city of India. During my tender years of growing up, I saw three murders right in front of me. Yes! You read it right. I saw a Muslim being brutally murdered by a gang of Hindu fanatics during Babri Masjid demolition, then I saw the murder of a man in the market in old Meerut city. My dad moved to the suburbs thinking it would be a little safer there. And sometime in 1995, I watched another murder of a man in the suburb who was eating aloo-tikkis as the same deli where I was having it with my siblings and granny! I was 14 yrs old then.

Being a sensitive person since the beginning, such incidents affected me the most. I was found lost in my own world several times whenever I witnessed any act of violence. Though I was a strong person with very strong and firm moral and social values, I was weak inside. I couldn’t see anyone in pain. I remember how I was going for dinner in a famous restaurant in Hyderabad with my friend and on the way I saw two hefty men bashing up a lean boy badly! I couldn’t dare to interfere but it left me so aghast and upset that I gave up my dinner plans and came back home. I slept empty stomach that night.

There have been numerous cases where my country and the men left me shattered to the soul and there have been many numerous cases where I have gone out of my way to help out people, friends and even strangers. For example, once in 2005-06 I entered a STD shop in Hyderabad to make a STD call and I saw a very young school girl all worried and crying. She had lost her purse somewhere and now she did not have money to take the auto to reach home (or something similar). I offered her money but she refused to take. I tried to calm her but she didn’t even come close to me and I could understand her trauma. I knew maybe she was taught to not interact with strangers. I was getting late for my place but I decided to help her out. I asked her to make a call to her parents. I paid for her telephone call (she wasn’t ready to use my mobile phone) and later got her a fruity juice pack. She said her dad was on the way to pick her up and she was fine now but I didn’t want to leave her in the shop with the shop keeper so I stayed there. I left only when her dad came and she was in safe hands.
I am not writing this to blow my own trumpet. Infact I feel so ashamed of myself as I write this because I feel I was a fool to not raise my voice when a man misbehaved with me for the first time. I was also a coward to keep quiet when I couldn’t voice my anger when two men pounced on that one single boy.

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Delhi gang rape

Sadly, I never did any of these. Because I was taught at home – ‘kisi se bina baat ke panga nahi lete’.
The gang rape case that took place in a moving school bus at 9 pm in the heart of Delhi shows what happens when people start to believe ki panga nahi lena.

A young girl boards a bus with her male friend feeling assured that she is safe. What probably she didn’t realize is that the word ‘safe’ stops to exist when you enter Delhi and NCR.

She bought the ticket, sat on the seat and soon after she was in the clutches of the 6 vultures who were travelling along in the bus. I cannot stop my tears as I write this thinking about the fight that girl had put up which is why she was beaten with iron rods. She is in a critical situation right now because her intestines are badly damaged. The driver confessed that since she was putting up a hard fight, he got angrier and started hitting her with an iron rod. They then stripped her and threw her on a bridge so that no one could identify her. Not a single car passing by noticed two wounded people on the bridge. It was only 1 hr later that the toll patrol vehicle stopped and took them to hospital.

I am ashamed. Since the time this case has happened, I am almost clinging to my daughter. I wonder if I did it right by bringing a woman in this world, when I would have to spend more than half of my life in the city of rapes!

As a mother of a daughter, I now very well understand why my mum never allowed us to step out after 7 pm. Probably I am going to tell the same to my daughter. But as a woman I also wonder if I am here only to protect my daughter or to protect my own self? No.

I am a mother. I am the giver. I run this world. A devil like Ram Singh, the main accused of this rape case, is born in the womb of a woman like me. When I bring someone into this world, it is my responsibility to teach him how to live.

As a sister, I need to tell my brother to be respectful to other women. As a mother it is my responsibility to teach my children the basic lessons of humanity. When a man steps out to commit a crime, it is a failure of family, a mother’s up-bringing and a father’s values.

The real beauty lies in not attracting the beasty but in driving away the beasts.

Beauty is what makes a beast a human being.

We, the women, are the creators of the society. I am not saying that fathers or men do not have any social responsibility, they do but that is a different chapter for now. As women, we should try our best to make this society a beautiful place to live in and every human being a beautiful person at heart.

That would be our ultimate forever young, wrinkle-free and glowing life!

Also, as I end this post, let’s stay in silence for 5 secs and pray for that brave woman’s well being.

Note: I have a post on my blog ‘9 Critical Safety Rules For Women’ that is written by a cop and that gives some great tips for a woman to stay safe. Please read it and share it with fellow women.

About Author:
Surabhi Surendra lives in Andamans and blogs at Womanatics, where she writes about marriage and women.

Also Read :
Heroines From Literature
SlutWalk Delhi
Pros and Cons of Abortion
Sexual Harassment: Do Women Really Ask for It?


170 thoughts on “Beauty & the Beast

  1. I cannot understand how some men can be so cruel to treat another human being like this. An important factor is that these people come from such a background where the women in their house are treated like trash. Men SHOULD BE TAUGHT to treat women as their equal and not some dustbin. Good post Surabhi…..very much appreciate it

      1. or it can also stop if punishment for such crimes are made severe. the guy comes out in 7 years and if he has money or power even much earlier.

      2. Yes Jomo.. the roots lie in the up-bringing though thats not an excuse for administration. Our courts are slow, administration is corrupt and then the society is rotten. All this is coupled to give the country the shape it is in today!

        1. I think as parents it is the duty of both the father & mother to install proper values in their children. Boys should to be taught to respect girls. More often than not, young boys when growing up look up to their dad as role models. If they see the men in the family abusing the women in the family, the young minds grow up thinking it is okay to disrespect women. This can happen even in rich, well educated families.

          And also most importantly, we need to teach young girls & women that they don’t “have to” put up with bad behavior. They don’t “have to” fear the so called society norms. Many times girls are afraid to report incidents of sexual abuse for fear of being “labelled.”

  2. I am still shivering… I am from Mumbai.. although mumbai is considered to be a safe place… Nothing ever seems safe these days. When I read that the grl was gangraped by 5 or so men… Gosh! i was so deeply hurt… I cant imagine that grls trauma… I have been praying for her ever since I heard the news.

  3. So true.! well said.! I feel irritated every time when my father mother or my bf advises me not to go here, there etc. But looking at present state, i feel so scared to even visit a mall after 7 PM without a company. The mindset of the society must change. Laws should be amended in such a way that people must think thrice before committing such a gruesome crime. And if found guilty such animals must never be let out or let to live.

        1. Yeah.. I think the police should start with catching up the small time criminals. The driver was drunk when he was driving. If we had strict implementation of no drunk driving, probably we could have avoided this incident.

  4. I understand your worry as a woman with a girl child, but I think, whether its a girl or boy, these beasts do not care. I think the family of these people should also be exposed, their background, so that others can be aware of such criminals. Also, I fail to understand why the cops cover the faces of the criminals, we do have a right to know who these beasts are.

    1. i also feel the same Jomol… their families should be brought to the forefront, for having produced such so-called MEN who dont know a thing about respecting women…. why don’t the mothers and sisters of such beasts themselves demand that these men be hanged? aren’t they ashamed… dont they feel devastated to be related to such cowards? why dont they speak up? are they even real women with a heart?
      i wanna know answers to all these questions….

      1. Jomo..

        Forget the covering of faces our revered Supreme Court has ordered that accused will not be hand cuffed.. as the court thinks it is against the basic human right.

        And yeah you are right even the males are not safe here but women.. it is still worse for them. I just wish I am able to give her a safe atmosphere since I am the one who has brought her into the world.

          1. we have basic human rights, nobody teaches basic human responsibility – treat others and yourselves with respect. everything else – not covering faces, not handcuffing is such a sham..especially in this situation …the people who don’t treat others as humans have no right to be given human treatments or even called one…

      2. Yes Ritu, totally agree with you….and the time, it was only 9:45 PM……its not even proper “night time.” Women like me are out on their bikes buying stuff for the next morning…….

  5. this is/was one truly devastating incident… and I, as a Delhiite, am deeply hurt and ashamed to be a part of this city, for once… yes, I am hating it right now, however much I love delhi…. the air right now is so suffocating….. just can’t breathe with freedom… and so insecure… the roads spell doom even during the day these days….

    1. Yeah Ritu.. its really devastating. I have always hated Delhi. Sorry to say this but I am from Meerut which is very near to Delhi and now I am a Delhiite too as my sasural is in Delhi but I somehow can never bring myself to like this place.. forget loving it!

  6. Thank you for raising a voice. The incident really questions women’s security, n the sad thing is society needs such incidents to wake them up and this is not even the first case of this type of crime. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think of that girl anymore. My heart is aching badly. 🙁

  7. my deepest concern to the victim!! im shocked and the news has devastated me. how i wish death penalty wolud be given to those BEASTS!

  8. Totally aghast after this incident… this is also an awakening call for we Indians – What is going wrong with our society, our people. Naari ke roop mein hum pooja karte hain – Durga, Kali, Lakshmi ki .. and why not treat all the women with such respect.
    This horrific rape case is beyond any kind of vocabulary to describe its occurrence !! It is an act of a demon, a monster that deserves the harshest punishment ; a punishment that should set an example for any such perpetrator in the future …

  9. This recent incident left me with some thoughts.. I am really safe walking down street after 7… Is it safe to take this bus or should I call a cab or go by auto……can I walk by looking here n there or I should just pass away looking down to the earth…like I have done sumthng very wrong…….
    I want those bastard to hang till death…..they didnt just rape her….bt killed soul of thousands of gals who travel daily by chartered bus….. Now ask those ppl who say gals arouse them….or invite a rape…. That gal going back home wid a frnd aftr a movie, was she really doing sumthng very adventurous which resulted like this…..
    My heart cry wenever a think wat has happened to her…how much pain that gal nd her family is going through…

  10. Had tears in my eyes reading this post. As you rightly said, every time I hear or read about such incidents, I feel so scared about my daughter’s safety.

    That girl’s life will never be the same again. She will get nightmares about the incident. I pray and hope she gets well soon.

    1. how can she lead a normal life ever ? even when she gets well … !
      those rapists will b out n roaming arnd in no time, n the girls life is ruined!

      1. Yeah.. while I dont believe in the non sense of izzat chali gayi and all but I agree that any act of violence or anything that hurts us haunts us for the rest of our life.

        I was about 12 yrs old when I went to sabzi mandi with my mum and one man touched me inappropriately. Since that day I dread sabzi mandi like anything. I am 31 now but I still never go to a mandi again.. 🙁 such is the effect when someone touches you.. imagine her plight!

  11. Such men should be put through a ‘Walk of shame’ , should be denied all facilities, should be left to fend themselves without the help of anyone. Death penalty may be a punishment, but the accused should not be let out so easily. They should know the torture a woman goes through while being assaulted/raped/harassed.

    This is not only for the accused of the Delhi gang-rape case. It is happening almost everyday at every corner in India. ‘These’ men don’t spare even a 2yr old child or a 60 yr old woman. They can’t be called animals, they are much worse.

  12. Firstly a big thank you for voicing your thoughts and it’s really commendable to keep yourself sane n moving when one has witnessed murders… speaking bout this topic I agree with you 100% that we women need to create a better world, it is we who at times are doubtful bout our own powers, if we don’t believe in our strength how else do you think will the beasts out there fear us, this is our world, a place where we live n we have a right to live freely here, since childhood my parents have made sure me n my sister are trained in Martial Arts n it has been very useful for me on numerous accounts when I have intervened in street fights, sometimes when a a boy was bout to smash a big pot into nother boys head or when 2 goons were passing comments on a teenage girl on speeding bike, when a man had met an accident I carried him to the hospital or when I got into a physical fight wid few beasts….I am lucky I am strong, mentally, physically n emotionally n my message to all women big or small, weak or strong, emotional or not….eat right, get strong n when u say be equal to man, it means respect ur strengths, believe in them n fight when there is wrong…fight not just for urself but whenever…wherever you c sumthing wrong done to a human or even an animal…. and Surbhi u know what, we should start a womens group where women from different cities are united via internet or sms…so if there is an incident and anyone needs help those in the area can go n help….I dunno lemme know ur views…..we have to do something other then being angry, pray n regret….what say women?

    1. wow Priya.. I am impressed.. you know martial arts. I have plans to teach this to my daughter as soon as we land in Delhi. Proud of you! 🙂

      And yeah I agree we can start something like this but I dont know how.. maybe you can suggest how to begin with it.

  13. The place this incident took place is near where I am residing. I can imagine that road somewhere not a lonely or in forest,she hadn’t been taken that decision to climb that bus but she was right. 9pm is not safe for girls? what about girls come from work around 10 or so? Many incidents happen in our day to day life where MEN staring at you from top to bottom or teasing you in the buses, malls etc. We should raise our voice & ask you help always. This story is of every city & one question is important “Safety of Women”. Very painful incident 🙁

    I pray to God for the girl & for her family.

  14. These rapists should be hanged! And let this be a lesson to all those monsters out there lurking among us. I am truly sadden by this incident and I pray that this kind of inhuman incidents never happen again. I know this might be just a negligible suggestion, but please carry a pepper spray all the time in your bags. And please make sure you are home early. Delhi or any parts of India, for that matter, is no longer safe for women..Very sad, but this is the fact. And to all the geniuses out there who just talks, do not blame women for what/how they are wearing. Blame the rapists and those monsters who treats women like stuffed rubber toys.

  15. I am just shocked Nd afraid after this incident… I am blanked I hv no idea what to say.. I am quite confused whom to consider as victim…. The rapists, the police or our so called government. Rapist for me are not just mentally retarded people but for me they are terrorists.. Yes terrorists, coz a terrorist is unhuman, he is like a robot who have no feelings, no shame and no terror of anything. If we think that just prison them for whole their life is a punishment for this devils its our stupidity. This devils should get nude in front of people and then should be killed.. So that other rapist will be warned…

  16. as i read your post i am in tears…i can feel how painful it was for the girl, can feel the pain of her friend who tried to save her, pain of her family and friends…i have no words to express, but it is time that we stanf\d up, and stand up strong….

  17. Hi Surbhi! I can understand how it feels to be the mother of a girl.. especially when you know that the world outside isnt safe for would you protect ur daughter! Every time this incidence is discussed on the Tv I move away because everytime I hear the tagline- the delhi gangrape case.. I feel the pain of that girl who went through the most horrifying incident of her life.. let just her life.. I guess this was the most horrifying incident we have heard tiill date..and whats sad is the prople who protest are being treated badly.. by the Police! This even reminds og the Guwahati case where a hgirl was molested infront of the camera! Scared to think what kind of future its gonna be for our kids..
    M the mother of a son and I’ll ensure I give him the basic understanding of being a human being and then the understanding that every human being be it male or be it female.. Needs to be respected.

    1. Hi Nidhi, so nice to read your comment here. 🙂 Really..

      Its nice to see that atleast women like us lay more emphasis on moral values more than the money, career or dominance. And the world is truly not a safe place.. but I still feel that if people make a small change within and in their families, many of such crimes can be avoided.

  18. I wish these men (not worthy of being called human beings even!) are punished severely (even when I already know after 3 days no one would even bother but I still have hope) so that nobody even thinks about committing such inhuman crime :@

  19. surabhi :(….i hv been so upset eversince this news flashed on print n electronic media….u r hightime ..i have a son n i always worried for the him too girl child or boy child these days women and kids no longer safe at all…these rogues wr school bus driver thinking of it md me go mad and its been 2 nights i m on n off sleeping and the moment i m not sleeping m jst and jst thinking abt her……i would also lk to share here…my dad served in indian navy so my brought up is of south india..wen we came to delhi my dad used to take me whrever i hv to go tution,mkt,bookshop in class X coaching was required and i was told “Beta now daily u hv to commute by ur own” also since it is north my mother got me a new salwar kurta…nxt day i boarded bus and aftr 3-4 stoppage these gang of sardar boys from Tilak Nagar also boarded and started misbehaving….wen my stoppage came i tried getting down the bus in those 3 steps of bus i was scanned by their hands :(…….i was in tears they were not letting me get down rather they wr lk animals laughing and no one in the bus i m talking 10am in the morning…no one guts to stop them and irony was this that my coaching center was opposite to “Tihar Central Jail” Delhi…..i managed to get down jst by forcing myself out of their hand and they snatched my duppatta and books n wen bus moved they teared my notebooks n throw away….i came back home walking all the way some 14-19 kms frm thr and for entire one week was jst weeping and nt eating anything ….fearing every single thing…my parents my brother initially sd tk cr tk cr bt thn everyone was lk get up how mch u r going to pay for this…today i m a mother even thn tht dark memory fr my memory lane still there…it is nvr going to wipeout……This girl has enough of tormenting they hv scattared and battered her soul….media sud show these beasts pictures also rather waiting fr TRP to raise…entire world should knw who they are and they sud no gt employement anywhere …reason ppl lk thm nvr want to change they remain black sheep in the crowd…wenever whrever they gt chance they prey on innocent ppl

    1. 🙁 oh Gawd!!! u poor thing! I have no words to express the horror of going thru somethign like this! its just such a horrific thing to deal with. may God give every girl who needs it strength to get over & move on & most importantly heal in every aspect . 🙁

    2. Hi Rajni.. what happened with you was a very sad incident and I have been a victim of such incidents myself.. and I know such things leave a scar on the mind that refuses to fade away. And probably that is the reason I am so protective about my daughter!

      1. one has to be towards girl child…they hv to blossom becoz entire world seems so evil be it anyone..parents r great support always..i dnt knw bt i go in deep depression :(……my head aches my mind refuse to be active and i m most disturbed person around….tht one incident left me so strong thereafter bt thn i m a scared soul inside….i feel so insecure….bt fr others m independent person who is smart and so update… is nothing to do with your clothing, place, way of living life or male accomodate or is jst tht Man nvr try to teach their boy child “Beta women are not an object they are human being like u n me”………….hv u ever notice all these old man who keep saying”Unka taur tareeka dekha hai kapade pehanane ka” all this thr boy childs learn that wearing such dresses means easily available…..rather saying so can’t they be “She luks very nice in suits or indian dresses rather than western it doesn’t suit her”……bt nai jo woh bol rahe hai theek hai…children also learn same thing and keep going on…lk tis happened 🙁

        1. rajini this is horrific to hear! i am from chennai and such incidents are little rare here! but even then the odd touchings happen and i slap the conductor then and there! be it them mis behaving with me or some other girl in the bus or theater, ot queue i keep a watch for all of them! But men here are shamefull enough that after getting slapped they come to senses and mind their business. but the ones who have hurt you are monsters! Once one man managed to hold my hand and i hit him with my leg in you know where!i just wish i was there in that bus to help you during that torment!

          1. sandhya i personally feel a girl friend understands u n ur situation mch better……we females are more grounded and more to our heads thn boys….thank you so mch….:)…i was back to routine bt tht haunted memory keep cming wenever i cm to any such news

  20. Its an utter shame , not only for Delhi but for India, so many rape cases , and no tough punishment for these animals.If someones teases a girl , she is told to be careful and not roam around late, why is she not told to file a complain in police and make those hooligans learn a lesson….I think its about the attitude we all have- the attitude of bearing with all this, such ghastly cases are an eye opener that this girl could be any one of us, even imagining the whole incident makes one cry,what she must have gone through is totally incomparable.I pray for her steady recovery, but with that i pray that our judiciary system/government gets some brain in them and just declare capital punishment for such inhumans, also introduce courts where justice can b served not in years but in few days. I am just so totally disgusted….

  21. Girls, I know all this is heartbreaking and frustrating. We all feel the same way. But the situation is not going to change unless we do something about it. Our government is not really going to do anything about it at least in the long term. They’ll pretend like they’re taking measures but everything is going to go back to square one in a while. In fact there have been incidents where police officers, politicians and other govt employees are the guilty parties. So, as women, the only thing we can do is to protect ourselves the best we can. Let me ask you all something. We all know about rapes in trains, etc…yet, how many of us actually own stun guns, tasers or even a simple pepper spray can to protect you when you’re out. You never know when you’re going to be in danger. Now, some of you may say that these devices are not legal in india. Well, rape is not legal either…that doesn’t stop the son of guns from doing it right? Then why should we care…would you rather be raped than do something illegal? Just imagine, if all of us were well armed and ready all the time, the no of rapes, assault and other crimes would reduce drastically. Even if your friend is being attacked, you won’t have to stand by the sidelines feeling helpless like Surabhi describes here. You can act and fight back. Please arm yourselves with pocket knives, stun guns, tasers, pepper sprays…anything…just DON’T be foolish enough to roam your city unarmed. You never know when you’re going to face danger!

    1. Yeah.. I think the police should start with nabbing the people who break the smallest rules.. once the police starts doing that.. everything will fall in place. Tracking the criminals like this in one case out of ten will not change the status quo..

      1. Totally agree about the arming up idea. Although I generally drive my own car (or take an open cycle rickshaw on car-less days), I still have a taser, a sharp pocket knife, a couple of heavy stones wrapped up in a bit of cloth (surprisingly, it was originally my grandma’s idea) and also a solid cricket bat in the car boot. You never know what you may need in an emergency. Also, I know it may sound weird but does anyone watch The Good Wife? There was an episode on it about a girl who gets murdered after an attempted rape by some diplomat’s son, and the girl’s friend mentioned some rape prevention smartphone app, about which I’ve forgotten the nitty gritty. Essentially, at the press of a button, it gave an extremely loud scream that was enough to wake the dead and also alerted some emergency contacts. I think that’s a pretty useful tool too. And recently, some kid made a safety bracelet which detects the increased pulse rate (usually happens when we experience a lot of fear) and does some high-fi techie stuff that gives electric shocks to anyone who dares to touch you. The moment it comes on the market, it needs to be snagged up.

        1. oh wow! Awesome ideas JW! i think i am gonna do a haul of defense stuff like pocket knife, pepper spray etc next 🙂 that bracelet will definitely go on my wishlist!

          1. Do check these mobile apps – “FightBack, EyeWatch, Life360 Family Locator, Mobi Tracker LocateMe, One Touch Location, I Am Safe”. Still exploring all of them.

            The pepper sprays are available on most of the online sites. I have ordered one, till i get that, i am going to use the Deo with alcohol. It is handy, effective sometimes when sprayed into eyes.

            always keep couple of people on speed dial for your phone.

  22. even victim doesnt get proper support from her family..i myself was a victim,5yrs bck on the day of my engagement,by the maternal uncle of the guy(whom i was in love for 10yrs)..everyone remained silent & tight lipped after the incident..even the guy blamed me saying ‘who asked you to wear a sari and show off but not a word against his uncle’ parents kept day i took courage to complain..the answer i got from police is ‘why are you getting into mess,go and get married;,he didnt stop there,he called my father to say i came to parents got me married to another guy in a year saying time heals everything..till date,i get scared even if my husband touches me..i shiver,cry,hurt him,hurt husband is really sweet..he never got angry nor he asked why do i do so..but he makes sure he doesnt leave me alone when he is at home..still i cant come out..”time doesnt heal everything”..i hope my email id wont be displayed here

    1. Hey Mini..

      First, you are at a safe place. IMBB is safe. 🙂

      Second, my my.. I don’t what to say. I can just offer you a warm hug and ask you to gather strength and move on and live a normal life. Your husband is a really sweet man. And I am proud of you that you atleast went ahead and complained but the police officer was a fool and then your parents didnt support you and I understand parents have their own concerns.

      Sweetie, please move on. Let bygones be bygones. I am really sad to read your comment. And I wish your guy had the spine to stand up for you. But am also happy that you didnt marry him. One who couldnt stand up for you then would have never stood up for you and he is not worth any woman, let alone you.

      Lotsa love to you Mini.

      1. yes,am very happy i didnt marry him..may be to compensate everything God gave me a loving husband who is very friendly and loves me madly..but the very feeling he will ‘touch’ me,breaks me down.i just shiver,sweat and start crying so loudly the moment he even enters the room..i am bit relieved today,atleast i spoke out which was buried in my heart for 5 yrs..thanks guys

    2. Hi Mini…….hugs to you….your email won’t be displayed. After I read your comment, I am upset the way that man had the courage to do something like that on your engagement day. I respect that you went to the police, but the reaction ……pitiful.

      1. Thanks jomol..that cruel person is a reputed surgeon in andhra,he has a daughter of my age,he didnt regret a bit too..i faced hatred for me in everyone’s eyes for no mistake of mine,only because i tried to protest..i was an author then ,for microbio books,i was asked to withdraw everything.compromised my career too for an idiot.

      2. My heart goes out to you, Mini. You husband sounds like a good man, quite unlike that spineless fiance. I pray that you do heal fully someday. In the mean time, know that your courage and bravery, in the face of such adversity, are admired by all of us. *hugs*

    3. I’m so sorry to hear your story, Mini. It makes me cry that even your family was so unsupportive. But I’m glad to hear that your husband is a good man. Time hasn’t healed you enough because your scars are deep. I sincerely hope that you will try and get therapy. Consult a psychiatrist and discuss it with her. I think it can really help you heal. Unfortunately, what has happened has happened and cannot be changed. What is important is to seek help and move on. I myself have been going through severe depression for the past 3 years and have been on medication too for the same. It has helped me tremendously. I sincerely hope that you will take my advice and seek professional help. It will help you lead a normal and beautiful life with your husband and help you get over the past. You are very brave telling your story here. I hope you will be brave enough to take steps to overcome your past. Remember, it wasn’t your fault. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND LEAD A LIFE FILLED WITH JOY AND LOVE!

      1. intial 1 yr i dont even remember if i saw even a ray of sun,then took treatment,things got bit better,but discontinued due to change of place

      2. Oh Mini, I am sorry for what happened with you, I really want to give you a hug! Your husband is a nice man! And I am glad although they didn’t support you, at least your parents were sane enough not to go ahead with your marriage to the spineless guy.

        Sweetie you must really see a psychologist. Coz what happened wasn’t your fault at all. No reason why you should suffer so many years after that.

        Time doesn’t heal..not without proper help from a specialist. Go see one. You deserve a happy lovely life.

          1. Mini, multiple virtual hugs to u ! i have no other words, so speechless…may God give u a much Blessed & blissful time ahead!

  23. I commend you for putting all this down in words. Every woman in India must have given this a lot of thought especially since the focus this case has been getting. & the murders you have seen, I cant even imagine the shock u must have felt. I saw a man getting slapped & that incident just shook me so murders is just so extreme!
    Its a sick society we leave in I feel. It will not change till people’s attitude towards women doesn’t change. I’m an educated, city girl who comes from a family backgorund that has educated, professional people. I have no man in my life, father, brother, husband, fiance, boyfriend, son…no one. & the way people c me as a “weak” person because of the absence of a man is just sickening. Our society thinks women are dependent on men & men think they can just toss us around. Men who come from twisted families & do not receive a nurturing environment r more sickened in their views regarding women. I have unfortunately seen first hand how society discriminates against women who they think r “alone”. Verbal insults & taunts are painful, to be physically hurt must be so scarring on so many levels. I’m just beyond heart broken regarding this whole issue. These culprits who are caught, their identity should have been made common since the beginning, I don’t understand the protection they received. They should be publicly dealt with. They should be shamed & humiliated publicly then maybe a man will think twice before attacking a woman, whether physically or otherwise. Our law should make an example & in some cases a spectacle of these criminals so that these cases are reduced if not eliminated! My heart goes out to every girl, woman effected by all this.

    1. 🙂 huggs Nafisa……u right y they cover thr faces let thm bcm publicly knwn thn they wud knw the real xcitement whr ever go they wud feel it…..raping a girl n beating her brutly nvr they r going to think even in thr dreams

    2. Hey Nafi.. I know what you mean. I had a friend who didnt have a brother and had lost her dad. It was an ordeal for her mother to get her duaghters married as people often referred them ‘without any support’ so this mentality is sick that men are superior than women.. and this has given birth to all the problems.

      1. 🙁 exactly!
        honestly i prefer my life without the extra baggage men bring! have had enough to last a lifetime…!! 😛
        sadly, i don’t c our chauvinistic society changing any time soon. There are some women who encourage men to be like this. In this tv serial, Veera, a kid is hitting his younger sister & the mom says “mere bete mein kuch mardon wali baath hai” i was like wat!?!? if it is shown on a tv serial, even in a negative light, then surely in reality many women do encourage & feel proud when they young sons behave rowdy & then these boys may eventually grow up to be mean goons! Even in movies negativity has been glamourised a lot lately. No one is perfect, but people are glamourising grey characters a bit too much. That does encourage the society in some way, with scores of people across India resonating a “iss mein mardon wali baath hai”!

        1. Nafisa, you’re awesome! It’s so inspirational to read about independent women who don’t give two hoots about the many idiotic members of our society. I don’t get this whole obsession about how a woman needs a man to “protect/support” her. What rubbish! What is even more irritating is that people blame education for these ideas. We were recently discussing something in class on women’s rights and there’s this girl in my class who is super smart, brilliantly well read and all independent and what not, and she just sadly remarked once, “Every time I talk of about such issues or rant against sexism in our society, my parents get really disturbed. They tell me that I have probably read too many books to believe in such useless radical ideas, and ask me to stop talking about these things.” It’s so disgusting that people think that women get “ruined” by ideas of independence.

          And as for TV shows, Veera is still probably tame. The kind of stuff that they show is unbelievable. “Over educated” women being scheming vamps, modern women wearing sleeveless blouses having affairs with husbands of pious women, children of independent working women being rowdy, neglected and uncontrollable (aka women should not work and only churn out well looked after brats), men making remarks like “Main apne ghar ki auraton ko akele bahar nahin jaane ki permission nahin deta” and what not. They make such hullabaloo about condom ads while what they should be actually censoring is this crap.

          1. *hugs* !! that is so right about being said education makes us too “forward” or what not! 99% of our adults think this way unfortunately 🙁 i really marriage should not be done just for protection/safety/security but only coz u want & value the company of ur partner..ppl take it all to mean “naseeb kharaab” & what not if 1 is “alone” etc!
            u mentioned qabool hai ka scene nai?! yeah, i find that attitude very disturbing! n u r so rite about a modern, educated women is usually the vamp/negative character! n the “shareef” lady dresses in all indian attire n “badmash” in western! all these stereotypes do nothin but further weaken an independent women! even in this recent delhi case, ppl seem to b askin “what was sh wearin?” “was she out too late?” “was sh laughin out loud attractin attention?” i mean come on! Sickenin attitude…i saw a status on FB “don’t ask your daughter to stay at home, ask your son to behave properly” India mein God knows when this will be applied!

            1. JW totally agree on teh cesor thing. any remarks made about dominating a woman should be censored! And these telly make a pupet of a woman and kill the womanhood in her. she is meant to cook. keep the home and the kids! any other kind in the villian! I am not one cent agreeing to the airing of any of these daily soaps!

            2. Haha, yeah, Nafisa. That’s from Qabool Hai. I only watch it for the eye candy that is Karan Singh Grover even though his character is kind of a douche. Besides, it’s kind of refreshing to watch a show set in a Muslim family after nearly a decade of Tulsi Viranis. Indian TV is not just culturally backward but is also pretty non-secular. And you’d even see that all religious women are shown to wear full-sleeved blouses like Pratibha Patil or something and anyone who doesn’t go to mandir is automatically a terrible character who also smokes and drinks or even worse, goes to work every day.

  24. Surabhi you said well and I am agree with you that we are paying the cost of failure to teach the lessons of humanity by our country mothers and fathers.

  25. Surabhi you said well and I am agree with you that we are paying the cost for the failure of our country mothers and fathers to teach the lessons of humanity.

  26. My eyes filled with tears no words to express these feelings yaar! And I am praying God to give her family strength to fight for justice. As I am working till 8pm my mother always get worried for my timing, now I can feel her pain :'( 🙁

  27. You know Surabhi, I want to say a lot on this but I am sooo scared, shaken and stressed out since yesterday. I am someone who loves Delhi soo much. I always try to share the best of it with you guys and now I am ashamed of being a part of the capital.

    Even during the day time I am scared to go out anywhere alone. I just hope that girl recovers soon and has a strength to lead her life ahead.

    Thanks for writing this post!!

    1. Yeah Rati,

      I know your love for the city and I totally respect it. But somehow such incidents repeatedly over the lifetime have brought me to a stage where I can not bring myself to like this place. 🙁 I have lived and worked all over the country and Delhi is the last place I would want to come back to.

      And thank you so much for putting this up. IMBB is a platform atleast where we can raise our opinion freely and reach a wider audience!

  28. i completely agree with you surabhi! It is a total failure in upbringing that causes these crimes. Not just this one incident. I am a part of a suicide victims rehablitation ngo and i specialize in concelling children. I have seen some pathetic cases of young girls being raped by their own relatives and in some cases even the father! it is time that all men be made to realize that a woman cannot pay with her life for their lust to be satied!

  29. its high time now ,we should take some crucial step ..
    these rapist are there in every nook and corner of country.
    only cities change, rapists dont.

    i was 6 years old when a person sat in autorickshaw with me,my granny n my mom,it was a sharing auto then.
    that man started talking to me,n due to some luggage he asked my mom to let me sit in his lap n he seemed decent enough,mom asked me to sit in his lap,it was just few mins later that he secretly started touching me at wrong places n i cried n went to my mom..
    i just knew watever happened was fishy but this incident left a deep impact on me, i never travel in a sharing autorick now.

    1. aww Geet.. I know what you went through..!!! I had a similar experience in my early years in a sabzi mandi and since then I never go to a sabzi mandi again..!!! These perverts never even leave kids.. let alone young women.

  30. You have rightly expressed what a lot of us want to say, Surabhi. I don’t think this is a phenomenon restricted to Delhi, I can give you a lot of horror stories from Kerala as well. Like you said, the root cause is the mindset. There are many causes, our society’s natural inclination to give the male child more privileges, seeing their mothers treated like dirt by their fathers, absolutely no education on this from teachers/school, and a complete lack of fear of the law. It doesn’t help when they see movies where ‘Chikni Chameli”s body is literally up for grabs. It probably influences young minds, creating an illusion that women’s bodies serve one purpose – to be objectified, leered at and groped. All this is just making me sick.

      1. When Arab countries can do it….so can we….all we need is determination n action…..yup determination is there….listen to all the news channels where ppl r speaking of an action….but action ?????? It is never taken…..never

  31. It is not only about NCR. It is also about the entire nation. I was at Delgi in the year 2003, I was 14 year old back then and I faced a pathetic incident infront of Red Fort that created such trauma that I denied leaving the hotel room for the next few days of stay at delhi. I could not tell my mother what happened exactly because I was immature then and had no idea about all that. I felt my city,Kolkata was the best.But again as time passed and I had to look for a job at kolkata, now I see that every city is actually the same. When I travel to kolkata from my native place, I see gals getting touched by “decent” men in the first class compartment where people can sit comfortably. It has happened with me too.But in the closed compartment, a protest can lead to the culprit getting killed, but who knows.. even the victim might end up getting gang raped by the every man in the compartment. Educated people also indulge in this. the Assam incident proves it! I read an interview of Vishal Dadlani in a newspaper, he said rapes occur because Indian Men fail to accept the modernity of Indian Women. They can’t accept that we are so forward and advanced. and to prove us inferior they indulge in such acts!

    1. Tarannum, you very much explained the real situation of women in our country. Half of the times, protesting leads to killing.. so we have to keep quiet at times. in a way, we have to suffer.. protest or not.

      But I really hope things change very soon.. atleast now!

      1. I really don;t know . I just went through a post in facebook that had details of the rape case and what the girl underwent. And it made me puke! I mean how can people be so cruel.I mean regular normal people! When my mum watches the action movies she says those are meaningless cruelty that can never happen. Cruelty more than that does exist in India. I always had fight with my parents for letting me out and work beyond home. But now I can’t face them really! Their reasons are so justified!

    2. Tarannum Ara……hugs, these incidents are happening everywhere. But I think we should react, because if we keep silent, it will only encourage the criminals 🙁

      1. I really don’t know. I have faced miserable things in my life. At the age of 23 finally I am strong, but in crowded bus or in trains,people have made best attempts to “feel”! This has always kept me disturbed. But now when time is to become a working woman, these things are really depressing because we don’t know how to react. to protest or not to! If I protest,I willl definitely get gang raped, If I don’t there are little chances of getting gang-raped. but the chances are never gone! I feel it is important for parents to instill respect for other human beings first and then God.After all God resides in every human being. Only then the true culture of our country will be retained.

        1. tarannum you have to protest. reading your comments my whole head is heated up! what have these dogs done to you sweet heart! dont even think of being gang raped. you have earned yourself an honest living and you have every right to live at peace! tell me where you live i will visit you when i come there and we travel together, then let me see which dog tries to misbehave with you! or please meet me when you come down to chennai i will show how to manage these hooligans! but please dont resist the silent torture!

          1. i am from west bengal sandhya. be it kolkata or any other city out here. it is unsafe. my first shock with eve-teasing started from delhi. i went as a tourist there and i was 13 or 14 years old then. and it is not only about my place. the situation is same all over India though. today for these people, my parents don’t have the courage to send me out of home for work. a severe painful punishment for rapist can change the scenario. At least the fear of such painful death will control such barbaric thoughts of man.

  32. I don’t know what to say had Im exam today and i was so disturbed that i was not able to write the paper, my parents also got scared and shocked after this incident,my mom was crying as she understands the pain of a mother and even i was not able to do anything I’m so depressed, this is such an animalistic act and the harshest punishment should be given to the culprits 🙁
    Thanks Surbhi for writing this post… Lets wish for her speedy recovery

        1. This such a cruel act and these bastards should be hanged
          till death after westernisation and modernisation our society become
          modern but the thinking of the people remained the same
          Man think themselves superior and woman as their subordinates
          This types of crimes are not at all tolerable and this is not justice to the
          word Woman people called her mother, sister, daughter etc dan suddenly
          Victim… This is not justice

          1. If just for a moment everyone thought that this could happen to their daughter…..the one raised with affection,care and love…..they would understand what action has to be taken

  33. The fact that people who commit such heinous crimes get away so easily and how people at their homes teach them that tum MARD ho is the worst part… men from a younger age are taught that women are altogether different beings and have certain “roles” which makes them believe that they are above women and can treat them anyway they like. I’m not just afraid to have a daughter.. I’m equally afraid to have a son. punishments for such crimes should be so severe that even the thought of misbehaving with a woman would scare the person.

  34. its shocking and really disgusting those ppl are still alive….within a hour they should be hanged from the day they were caught.

  35. That’s such an awesome post Surabhi. Thanks for the safety tips. I’ve bookmarked the page and sent to a few friends of mine.

    I reside in Chennai, South India. Hearing the news from yesterday I was pissed off. All the time I was thinking, how bad the girl might have felt. I pray to god that she should recover asap. Surely our prayers will help her. Now, I’m very much scared to step out without a company. You are very correct. Even though we have women achievers in all field, few men should be taught how to respect womanhood. I wonder how these cruel men turn out to be beasts. Aren’t they born with sisters?

    My sincere prayers to the poor girl 🙁 🙁 God bless her with great strength

  36. i really had tears in my eyes while reading dis… it is really disturbing 2 c all dis happening in our country. will pray for the girl. & for all other girls be safe & alert.

  37. I was shocked when i heard this news on tv. this is not the first incident and neither will it be the last, unless something drastic and severe is done. a few months back the whole nation was discussing a similar incident in Assam, later it was all forgotten, similarly this too will be forgotten and then another such thing will happen and all will raise angry voices, only to go silent soon. i myslef have faced and heard many sick and disturbing incidents. one cant travel peacefully in a bus, walk down a street where a group of guys are standing, or even go to apparently decent places without facing any such problems. i can only remember my fear and heart racing when i travelled home by bus one night and was the only girl in a bus full of men. 🙁
    the problem lies deep in the society. the problem is not only with men but also some women who think women should be subdued and these problems are brought on by the girls themselves.:( harassing a girl is entertainment to guys, its fun!! i only wonder what a guy would feel like if he were to walk by a group of girls whistling and hooting at him. this soceity does not respect women. it projects an image of protecting women by keeping them confined wthin four walls and with no freedom or indpendence.
    only way to get the society to respect us and treat us like human being is to change the fundamental thinking of the society. it will take time but it should be done and done by us.
    i hope one day down the lane, our kids wouldnt still be discussing another such incident.

    1. Yeah.. its the mindset of all – men and women alike. We need to change the mindset of everyone and that is why I wrote this post – so that we women, the bearers of the future generation take a strong action and decide to teach lessons to our children.

  38. Exactly nidhi…..why the wait?????specially for those who are asking to be hanged….justice in this country is still loitering in the corridors of lok sabha and rajya sabha

  39. cant believe that there are people who are so inhuman…to be hanged till death is a very little amount to be paid for such a shameful-cruel-insane-unethical crime, those guys should stripped in public, tortured the same way and then hanged to death..i just pray that the girl recovers soon…may god give her family the strength in such a hard time..

  40. I am so disturbed by this… when I read that she was beaten up by an iron rod because she put up a fight, I cried and cried. I hope she recovers physically and mentally from this…
    I wonder if we girls willl ever recover from the shock…
    I just hope this fight really goes somewhere and not fizzle out :((

  41. Thanks for putting up this great post, Surabhi. I know this may sound very cynical but as shocked as I am by this incident, I am not all aghast at the “men’s attitude”. Haven’t we read/heard about such heinous crimes for years now (many in Delhi)? It all comes down to the basic point of how our society is getting worse day by day. And I don’t agree that the onus is on the mother to raise sensitive, respectful boys. For a man like Ram Singh, do you think he comes from a family where the mother’s existence is even acknowledged? If his father and other male family members had perhaps treated his sister/grandmother/mother with respect and taught him that a woman is his equal, he may have had better sense. It’s downright astounding the way some families treat their little male spawn. My family moved to idyllic Chandigarh about 12 years ago and it was one the safest places to be. Now, thanks to the intensive development in nearby villages of Punjab and the absolutely crazy land prices, you see lots of idiotic landlords moving to the city with their spawn of ill-behaved psychopathic junkie sons who are perhaps taught that things like riding around like hooligans on loud Enfield Bullets, misbehaving with girls, and probably even supporting female foeticide is the best way to assert their masculinity. That’s why Chandigarh seems to be getting less and less safe due to these pampered, badly brought up (dragged up, more like) men who have never been taught how to respect women, who think that an educated girl needs to be “put in her place” (same mentality with these bus driver rapists perhaps), and who probably believe that being outside wearing a sleeveless dress or skinny jeans or skirt or hell even salwar kameez means that the girl is asking for it.

    My dad always taught me since primary school to kick bullies in the shins and I was put in a Karate class at the age of eight. I remember when I was about eleven, one of my cousins used to stay with us (she was 18 then) and every time she would walk back home, a guy in the neighbourhood would pass remarks and loudly demand to be invited to her house. She’s around 5’8″ and a Black Belt in Karate and yet she always used to walk off with her head kept low, ignoring the creep. Then, one day, she finally told my dad and my dad was so incensed that her told her how to deal with him. The next evening when the same thing happened, she grabbed the idiot by the collar and dragged him to the doorstep of our house all the while loudly shouting at him and created a huge scene which involved his parents AND a nearby cop stationed at a beat box. That was my first lesson in never letting incidents just slide by and drop the whole “make yourself quiet and invisible” attitude. That guy never dared to show himself in front of my cousin again. She’s in the army today and posted in Delhi and she was recently telling me how when she has to come back alone at night, she makes sure that she demands a couple of JCOs or some male officer to go with her. I can’t imagine how bad Delhi could be if even female army officers feel threatened.

    I don’t think this has any instant solution. Our society needs to do a lot of introspection and get rid of the ideas and practices which are rotting our social fabric like this. I remember having a discussion in a Political Science class about women’s rights movement in India and the 33% reservation bill in the Parliament which keeps getting shot down thanks to the hundreds of male chauvinists in our highest lawmaking body. (As an aside – did you know that it took more than ten years and a joint session to get the Dowry Prohibition Act passed in the Parliament? Apparently, a lot of men there didn’t like the idea.) The teacher (himself a middle aged man and a feminist if I ever saw one) made a very interesting point that when there is a question of rights, political arena is the last and the most significant frontier and if this 33% reservation is implemented in the true sense (i. e. no proxy ruling through politician wives like Rabri Devi), then it could help make more stringent laws against rape and other misogynistic crimes. At the moment, nothing happens because a lot of men just like to pay lip service and do nothing. I was watching on the news this afternoon that the police and lawmakers decided after hours’ long meeting that changes in the law would include no black films on windows, owners of buses being liable for their vehicles’ whereabouts, background checks of all drivers and similar tosh. Yeah, as if all brutal rapes happen in deluxe buses by drivers who take them for a personal joyride.

    This comment has become a long rant but I suppose this topic gets every woman’s goat.

        1. JW.. you probably know how much I like hearing from you 🙂 And I totally agree with what you have said that the onus does not necessarily lie on mothers and also I understand that in many families women are treated like trash. But then like I mentioned below.. I feel that at times we have to take the first step even though we know we shouldn’t be the ones making the moves. And then giving good moral values to children isn’t something that is done to rectify or mend the society, it is the basic step.

          My idea was just to remind that we as moms should remember to inculcate strong values in our future generation than anything else. 🙂

          Gotcha..? 😉

          1. JW.. whats ur email id..? whenever I plan to come to Chandigarh, you are the first person I would like to meet up with so gimme ur email id so that I can make the plan pehle se.. 😉 message me on womanatics at gmail dot com.

  42. I don’t even know what to think. Or say. I commend you for actually being able to put this down in words, Surabhi.
    I hope she’ll recover and will somehow be given the strength to carry on.
    I have been ogled at, my breast has been grabbed, my arse has been groped, men have rubbed their junk against me in public buses, and one incident that especially sticks out is my own cousin putting his hand in my pants when I was in the fifth grade.
    Once, I was out with a friend and felt dizzy suddenly, so I sat at a nearby bus stop while my friend got some juice for me. She asked this random guy standing about to just see that I would not faint, and he willingly agreed. A second later, even through all the spinning, I could sense his hand down my blouse. In my bra. And I was literally helpless. And apparently, no one saw that and helped me, even though I clearly recollect hearing a whole lot of people being around and asking each other what was wrong with me, though I couldn’t quite see them all that well at that moment because I was on the verge of blacking out. What kind of a person even does that?! They grab every opportunity they get to feel women up! We do live in a sick society!
    All these incidents shook me so much, that I was actually traumatized for days after they happened. I cannot even imagine what this girl must be going through.
    And all cities in India are slowly turning into this kind of a place. Where a girl ‘cannot’ go out after dark, for fear of being molested, raped, or even killed. Hell, even in broad daylight, there are men who rub themselves on you in the bus, and when you say something loudly, no one even bothers to help. Not even the women. They just look at you and look away again, least bothered. But if you think about it, even those who might want to help are afraid to. They don’t want to be beaten up or killed along with you!
    Yes, all we can do is support each other, and pray. Just pray.

        1. Sam, I think every women of India has faced this as teasing, molestation rape etc., even me. But the pity is still there is no change in the condition and deteriorate day by day. I am so worried for the future female generation (infants, toddlers, teenagers) b’coz the rapist commit crime worse day by day. How long we will accept this?

          We have to raise our voices too loud to stop these nonsenses to save our daughters and teach the values to our sons.

  43. u knw as women always blame ourselves for the wrong that happens to us. i was in the wrong place at wrong time, so i got eve teased. i didnt teach my son/ brother/ father about being respectful to women, so i am guilty. no i am not guilty. because children regardless of gender learn as much from the world they live as they do from parents.

    for once put the men, and the society in spotlight. lets blame the men for what they are not hold ourselves responsible for what they have become. 6 men probably sharing nothing in common rape a woman mercilessly. what they did is disgusting and cruel. they should be castrated for this. so shud every man against whom a woman has tried to lodge a complaint.

    mini mentioned how police refuse to write such complaints, and it always happens to all women who try to complain about harassment. police tell the woman to go home and forget about it. so with no recourse to law, little support from family, what are we as women to do. i am not saying we are eternal victims, but wen something wrong is done by men, lets be brave enough to say they made a mistake not us. after all being honest is also being brave.

    1. Agreed Supriya.. very well said.

      Though I totally agree with what you said, I also feel that to correct things up, someone has to stand up, take responsibility and begin the actions. Also I firmly believe in what Mahatma Gandhi said, ‘be the change that you want to see’.

      Really liked what you said – being honest is also being brave!

  44. I agree with you Surbhi! The Indian society is so very hippocritic! I find it infuriating that every time women get eve teased, or sexually harassed, people around me start talking about ‘effects of modernization and westernization’, and how the so called Indian culture is being degraded because women are acting too modern :-/ and in a nutshell, they conclude that any women who got harassed probably deserved she must have been dressed ‘provocatively’..
    I would like to ask men to define ‘provocative’!!! For some men, mini skirts are provocative, for others, even jeans and t-shirts might qualify as provocative. If you wear sari, then also you’re attracting attention. In Arab countries, even showing your face is provocative! So then, the only way to make sure not provoke anyone is to stay locked up within the 4 walls of your home, right?
    What’s provocative and what isn’t is completely subjective, and men just use it as a lame excuse to pounce on defenseless women.
    I am a medical intern, and just a couple of weeks back, i was in the clinic with a female colleague and 2 male medical postgraduate students. From somewhere the topic of Delhi came up and i told him that i am not too fond of north india because of people’s attitude there (i am myself a north indian brought up in gujarat) especially delhi, because I have had numerous unpleasant experiences there. He first defended the city, which of course, isn’t wrong, but as i argued a little more, he says, “Oh come on! there’s a reason why men ogle at girls there..have u seen delhi girls! they are so hot!!” i got so mad, that i decided to shut up instead of wasting my energy on a pea brained creature! Educated men from good family backgrounds too believe that ‘hot women’ just have to learn to put up with crap…such things just make me feel that there’s no hope out there. Oh and then there are people who plainly blame bollywood for all the crimes in the country! how convenient! 🙁

    1. See.. this is how the going-to-be doctors talk about women! Imagine what the rest of the male race thinks. Thanks Tinkerbell for bringing this up! and you are also right.. its kind of useless arguing with such mindless people..

  45. u knw i am nt mentally stable aftr hearing this news..i didnt evn dare 2 read this post. jst by seeing the title i am commenting. i hv cried so many times in past 2 days..m so much scared,angry at the same time.. i didnt do anything in past 2 days,didnt see any tv serial,didnt open my laptop nthng..jst watching news channel that too with volume zero to get some news of that grl..tht much effectd i am with this news.. nw i thnk i am nt safe to go out evn with my father/brother.. ryt nw m feeling so much scared tht i dnt wnt to step out my house.. i always thought nd actually my father brought me up with belief that grls are no less thn boys nd v dnt hv to b scared of nyone.but this news shook me up.. i just pray for that grl.. i ll read this post after some days.

  46. We all were choked since read about her ordeal, which lasted almost an hour! I love delhi as i met my soulmate there and i have a family to nurture in delhi but this monsterous act shakened my concepts and as a mother of a baby gal i really feel scared of raising my child in delhi!! I regret my silence on small eve teasings and lewd comments in past too.. But now i take pledge to act ferociously against every possible small or normal teasings throughout my life! Even it feels disheartening to read that both victims were only provided help after police came that too after an hour! No one even bothered to help them, though there were 200 humans at that time!! What happened to us??????????? Why we just sit, talk and see or just make movie clips to circulate on net!!
    I have’nt forgotten that assam eve teasing case, which was totally viral on net! Are those accused punished or still absconding????
    The list is endless……… Its high time, u r rt we women have to take step and teach our brothers, sons, husbands everyone about women dignity and how to respect her as a mother, as a daughter, as a lover, as a woman and many more………….
    Above all i really wanna see those monsters to be hanged till death, after beaten up with iron rods and same brutal torture, infront of poor victim.. I know its way too harsh but i dnt feel shame to ask so. These monsters did this brutal act to teach her a lesson, Why dnt we all teach a fearful lesson to every monster across india, by treating all these 7 animals with rarest of rare brutal punishment!!

      1. rightly said neetu! brute hs to be met with brute only! so what if they calll our government barbaric! we have to be barbaric to barbarians! and the accounts i read about the driver feeling no remorse for this has compeltely enraged me! i have been fighting molesters all life be it with me or with other girls in my vicinity and i will not stop at any rate! these men have to be molested publicly too in front of their wives and children and famlily which should teach a lesson to every man to watch his ways and to teach the same to his son!

  47. who better a person than u surabhi to write this post…. As a Sociology student i studied a lot abt women and their problems… although the times have changed peoples mindset haven’t changed a bit…. ppl are so rude and arrogant now a days… i don’t knw why 🙁
    what are men so proud abt i fail to understand ? why is that women are always targetted for everything??? I have read numerous incidents abt north india where women even today are not allowed post 7 pm out of their house… when i think of it, i am so happy that I live in Mumbai…. it may be crowded and full of problems… bt the mindset of ppl is definitely different… I have travelled even at 12 am in the night by train when i was working at a previous office of mine … Of course there have been incidents in Mumbai too bt nt to the extent of what happened with that poor girl…. Eve teasing is such a major issue today but no one except the poor woman who faces it understands how traumatic it cud be, esp for college girls n working women who commute long distance from home ….. All we women are thought to is ignore coz u never know when a person could turn hostile… aaj kal kisika bharosa nahi …..But having said the above i don’t keep quiet all the time, coz if u dnt speak for urself who will ??? Its high time all this nonsense is put to an end.. Every woman deserves a beautiful life for herself and not that which is full of fear and shame…..
    Thank u for sharing this article Surabhi!!!

    1. Hey Nats.. thanks a ton first. And yeah.. I agree what you mean by mindset of pple in Mumbai. I lived in Mumbai too and I love the place. Mumbai is only second to Delhi in rape cases but still there is something about the city that makes it much safer than Delhi and also people are not so ruthless in mumbai as in Delhi. Delhi’s society is totally rotten and full of pests!

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