Follow These 11 Guidelines before Finalising The Suitor for Arranged Marriage

By Varsha Jain

Seeing suitors for marriage and cannot decide? Do you feel scared and confused as this is going to be one of the biggest decisions of your life?  We are there to rescue, just follow these guidelines!

Follow These 11 Guidelines before Finalising The Suitor for Arranged Marriage3

1. The First Impression

The famous quote says, “First impression is the last impression” and correctly so. Did you hear a bell ring in your ears, the first time you saw him? Did you get butterflies in your stomach? Oh, well that means the start is good. There is certainly a logic behind opposites attract. So if we feel all the above we certainly get a clue that we are in the right place for sure. Cheers!!

Follow These 11 Guidelines before Finalising The Suitor for Arranged Marriage1

2. Initial Body Language

Of course it’s the biggest decision of your life so naturally you would be observing things. Everything else like house, interiors, family members can be observed eventually, but first things first – you have to check out the man first. You must notice whether his eyes are on you or not. Does he look keen, look excited or nervous. Is he asking you too many questions? Well, nervous or excited both are forms of anxiety and as far as he doesn’t look calm, be sure that he is going through the same phase as you.

Obviously we do have exceptions, but usually one can’t help emotions mostly and we are all humans at the end of the day. So whether we want it or not we do end up looking confused, nervous, excited, which is a very good sign. It shows that the person is here because he wants to be and not because of any other pressure. And that means he might be eager to know you likewise and he is ready for the plunge.

3. Starting the Conversation

He might be nervous, but this is the most important decision of your life so you have to come out of your comfort zone and ask those much required questions. You have to as there’s nobody else coming to ask them for you. After all you have to spend all your life with him. C’mon girl, just plunge on it, so that you don’t have to regret later. Start with light topics like the typical ones as they help to break the ice. Like who all are there in his family, his likes, dislikes, kind of food he likes and so on. It will help you to ease up and get into the conversation.

4. Physical Attraction

Follow These 11 Guidelines before Finalising The Suitor for Arranged Marriage4

Well, this depends on every individual. Few people believe in mental connection, few physical and few both. I believe, if not totally, it certainly is important for you to feel the chills looking at him….obviously it does matters. We don’t want to keep wagging our tongue looking at Salman khan and Tom cruise all our lives. 😀 For god’s sake, it makes whole lot of difference and it does matter. But all said and done, don’t expect a clone of Salman Khan either. We have to get a reality check and have to be little grounded. Presentable, smart is good enough. So, as they say, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, so if you are attracted towards him, congratulations! Another hurdle crossed.

5. Don’t Ignore The Elders and Family Members Around

Although you are there to see the guy, but the reason is marriage. When we get married, it’s said that we not only get married to the boy, but the whole family. So do not only concentrate on the boy, but try to mingle around with everybody else too. This way not only will you be able to know them better, but you will get into their good books too. 🙂 Depending on wherever you are if you are at home try to get up and serve things along if possible or if somewhere outside get involved in serving. A smile also goes a long way in case you are too nervous. Smile gives ways to sorting the confusions.

6. Back to The Much Awaited Conversation

One can’t be too blunt and ask everything or talk about all the things that is important to you. But yes, by all means things that cannot be compromised on, it’s always good to talk about it transparently. Marriage is not for a day or two it’s forever, so we have to confide and speak our heart out to the person to have a smooth future. Drop all your inhibitions, be true to yourself and just come out of the closet. If it doesn’t work out, it was never meant to in the first place. So don’t be worried. Trust the man for once who you need to trust all your life.

beautiful woman looking little man with magnifying glass

7. Get His Point Across too

You are going to get married to him and start living together. Marriage is supposed to be a mutual commitment and it’s two in the marriage always. Marriage is never perfect we have to make it perfect. So it takes two of us to make it like that. Another key to successful marriage is understanding. You have your likes, dislikes, but so does he. He has desires and expectations too from his marriage. Try and get his point too, as in what matters to him as well and whether you will be able to cope with it or not. Hear it all with a patient heart and mind. Show him that his opinions are equally important to you.

8. Getting to Know his People Matters

If you are not going to stay nuclear, you need to also get versed with the people you will be moving in with. His parents, brothers, sisters and so on. It’s always good to know the temperament of people around, their opinions, choices and so on. After all we will be spending a lot of time with them too and it’s important to know how well we can gel with them. It’s good to maintain a good rapport with them, trust me it makes your life easier.

9. Most Important Matter – Funds

Follow These 11 Guidelines before Finalising The Suitor for Arranged Marriage

We are not greedy, but hello, we need to know whether he can take care of our basics needs or not. Depending on our lifestyles we need to know where is he standing financially. No, we cannot bluntly ask the man how much he earns. But through elders and conversations, we do need to find out about his earnings. Life is sorted mostly if one person is financially stable in life. Now, we don’t need to get greedy about it expecting too much remember (it makes 2 to make a marriage) if the basic needs are taken care of both can together work towards making the life more colourful.

10. Miscellaneous – Not So Important Things

We can’t be particular about everything now. House, curtains, car, maids – if you have the merrier if not, these things can be worked on with mutual co-operation. When there is love and understanding, there is no space for these things. One can plan and achieve all these things too easily. You should never lose a man if he’s lacking the above, but if his emotions are genuine for you. Trust me, these things don’t matter. It’s actually love, understanding and respect that takes you the longest way.

11. Know A Woman’s Instinct

Above everything is a woman’s instinct. Everything fails when that works. Look at the guy in his eyes, you will see and feel the truth…if he is made for you or not. Ask yourself if he is the man you want to spend all your life with. A woman’s sixth sense never fails her you will know whether he is the guy for you or not.

All the best, girls. Go get hitched, it’s a lovely feeling to have that companion, right beside you all your life who will love you till death. 🙂

Image Sources : 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

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3 thoughts on “Follow These 11 Guidelines before Finalising The Suitor for Arranged Marriage

  1. Omg.. Thanks a ton Varsha… M about to enter this phase and very confused about all the stuff to look out for.. What to do..how much should I talk.. What if talk too much.. What if I talk too less… How to behave.. Basically making myself crazy… This really helped..

  2. I don’t know why but arrange marriage never appealed me. For some reason, I could never convince myself to go for an arrange marriage. I met around 20-25 boys but alas 🙁
    Thank God my best friend finally took the control and asked me out and now though convincing parents is a mammoth task because of religion and caste but yeah its worth it 😀

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