Happy Women’s Day

Happy Women's DayRati has been continuously telling me that I should write a post on Women’s day since I am the only guy on IMBB. And like my regular work-avoidance-defence-mechanism I have been telling her “you are only saying this so that you don’t have to write a post yourself.” And since I’m good at ‘why dontchoo do it yourself?’ thing she gave up. Anyhow, this time I was not being lazy; I was a little skeptical. What would I write? What do I know about women? And what is the point of writing all those nice but meaningless things that people say on these occasions? All the gestures; Google would make a doodle, brands would celebrate women to promote themselves, we would upload a women’s day pic on our facebook and get some likes, malls would display a lot of posters and loads of pink red decorations, some brands might have a sale, and some bars might give free booze to women. Ho gaya women’s day. And to add to that my biwi wanted me to write another meaningless blather to supplement the existing garbage. A writer of my caliber perpetrating the same mediocrity as others? I would rather commit suicide in my soup bowl.

But even though I pretended not to, I did pay attention to what my biwi was saying. I knew that even though she could not explain it logically, there was something deep she felt about me writing a post for all the women. Perhaps she wanted to see how I felt about womanhood. Or perhaps something else. Anyhow, I decided to give it a try though I still didn’t know what to write about.

First thing I did was to find out about the Women’s day. Many of you who are going to write ‘Happy women’s day’ in comments below might not know the history of this day. So let me tell you- although some or the other kinds of celebration of women were happening earlier, the first decision to celebrate ‘International Women’s Day’ was taken at a Women’s conference in Copenhagen in August, 1910. Delegates (100 women from 17 countries) agreed with the idea as a strategy to promote equal rights, including suffrage, for women. Today, this is the day when political and social awareness of the struggles of women worldwide are brought out and examined in a hopeful manner. This year, the UN theme for Women’s Day is ‘Equality for Women is Progress for All.’ Awesome! Right?

But living in India, it’s very hard to be hopeful about women’s day. Seeing rape, violence, and general abuse and derision towards women you don’t see the point in celebrating this day. But hey, let’s go back to the previous paragraph (which you skimmed quickly) shall we? Women from 17 countries demanded equal suffrage in 1910. That means that those women didn’t have it then but wanted the rights to vote equally as men. They demanded it for the first time. And today, women have equal voting rights everywhere, as natural as mobile phones, so they don’t feel the time that it didn’t even exist. But this is the day that it started. Some cause to celebrate, aye? Equal rights mean equal opportunity for education, employment and political representation. Seems so natural that you’d wonder why you wouldn’t have it in the first place. Women’s day started it all. πŸ™‚

‘Great. So we got equal rights. Big deal!’ you might think. What good has happened? Still our ‘pracheen sabhyata jahan mahilaon ko sabse uncha darja diya jata hai‘ promotes rape, female foeticide, domestic violence, dowry and what not. You maybe right about that but for one thing- a lot of things have changed (and are still changing) because someone demanded those changes. Just like India’s independence- we demanded it and slowly brought it about- change in women’s status have taken place because some women from 17 countries started to demand it. And this is the reason why and the way how you all should celebrate women’s day- demanding more changes to your life. Changes that will give you further cause to celebrate your womanhood.

Here are some changes, from my point of view, that women should resolve to bring. This is my list. Your are more than welcome to add to it.

  • Be more proud of a girl child. To those who want to sigh in relief that they have produced a boy so that their husbands or in-laws would be pleased, next time sigh with relief when you have produced a girl instead. More girls means better sex ratio (India has one of the worst) and thereby decreasing crime against women. In short, the cure to your fight for your rights lies with you only. So hey, if your first child is a girl and your sasu maan is asking you to produce one more, hoping that it would be boy? Tell her that one is enough and ask her ‘Maanji, aap hi kyun nahin paida kar leti hain? Abhi aapki umar hi kya hai. Sasur ji se kahiye thodi mehnat karein‘ πŸ˜€
  • Learn to be independent. Get a job. A husband dependent on your income and looking after kids or cooking in the house is a better proposition than you dependent on your husband and looking after kids or cooking. Financial independence is a very big advantage in psychological warfare. Don’t lose it. Get a job. Not only that, grill inside your baby girl also that she better work hard and get good grades in school, and get a good job later otherwise you’d kick her a**.
  • Be selfish. There are things that you can sacrifice and there things that you cannot. Whenever there is a need in the family, the first person who has to sacrifice everything is the woman. Don’t bend too much. Even if the family is pressuring you to leave your job, or not take up a course, or hand over all your salary to your parents or husband, don’t. Learn to stand up for yourself without feeling guilty. ‘Tum hamare liye itna bhi nahin kar sakti?’ is a very big bullshit spoken by someone who is scared and want to steal something from you. Don’t give an inch.
  • Dream. You know the best way to subjugate a person? Take away his/ her dreams. A person who has no dreams is a person who is lost and can be controlled easily. On the other hand, a person with a dream is so fired up, that no wild sasu maans, err.. horses, can hold them. So have a dream. Have a BIG dream and work hard for it. You’d stop feeling the helplessness of being a woman. And your husband, like I did, might see that he is better off joining you in your dream than fighting you. πŸ™‚

That is all. In the end, I would wish all of you a very Happy Women’s Day by sharing my thoughts about how I view women. I have always felt that women are more instinctual and sensory beings as opposed to men who try to be more logical and practical. And both of them are strong in their own ways. In 1927, Werner Heisenberg derived an elaborate mathematical formulae stating that the more precisely the position of some particle is determined, the less precisely its momentum can be known, and vice versa. If he had told this to a woman, she would have said ‘I told you so.’ Though she wouldn’t have understood the math, she would have known it by instinct. And both Werner Heisenberg and that woman would have been right. πŸ™‚

Happy Women’s Day to all of you. May all of you demand a better tomorrow for yourself on this day.

πŸ™‚

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49 thoughts on “Happy Women’s Day

  1. Also, be considerate about other women in the family…. we want to be better role models too πŸ˜€

    hugs to the article…

  2. applauds n hats off for our consideration and this write up.. *clap* *clap* I wish if ladies especially get to learn 1% from it that they shud support their new generation , that they need to res[ect love other gal whom they choose for their loving kid, apart from implying other gud habits.. *haan ji* wish it reaches to every heart n happy womens day to all.. *puchhi* *puchhi* *happydance*

  3. As I went on reading this post I felt like the character you want us to be is so much like me.
    No I am not trying to say I am great or something but financial independence, working towards dreams and being selfish is something which I strongly believe in.

    As a kid there were so many things which I have not done, But I did/bought them all with my money, I am not showing off here, but I am proud of the fact that from time I stated working I have not taken a single penny from my parents, and I even used to share the bills with my husband before marriage when ever we ate out.

    I am selfish and I feel everyone (girl or a boy) has to be selfish in life. No I am not asking you to be a bad person who wants to keep all for him/herself and shares/adjust nothing and for no one. But be selfish for your rights. If husband can wake up late on weekends and can play xbox all day long why I can not get up late and do things I like to do.

    Yes don’t go insane, but don’t be so adjusting that people treat you like a doormat.

    At last, a well written post sir… And Happy Women’s Day Ladies !! πŸ™‚

  4. Beautifully written Sanjeev ji *clap* *clap* *jai ho* Every word of it is absofreakinglutely true!!!! *happy dance* *happy dance* And Happy Women’s day to all the B-E-A-U-tiful ladies! !! *clap* *clap* *happydance*

  5. what a beautiful post Sanjeev…hats off!! And women have to be independent…it has become the need of hour…n I find it so obnoxious when parents who are looking for a r…fight for you right ladies!! Happy women’s to all!! Celebrate this day with so much pride (of being a women) that even men start wishin of being a women in the next incarnation..cheers!!

  6. This is such a beautiful article…very well written sanjeev sir…u have truly “inked” (though not literally) the feels of a married woman who may have forgotten her dreams along the way πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  7. Thanks for taking the time out and writing Sanjeev. Wasnt aware of how it all started. Was a very useful piece of info for me/us. (I am guilty of skimming thru’ that first para just like you said :().

    I just want to add that the rest of what you said was so true. Personally, I have found that in corporate environments men do seem to move higher up that ladder more easily than women. They have that added advantage ( along with hard work ) of bonding with the bosses/senior management more than women… a smoke, a drink etc. Mindset has to change no doubt.

    On a lighter note, i received some wonderful appreciation cards in office yday. Part of the diversity week in office. (Instead of women’s day, they called it Diversity Week).

    Happy women’s day to all. Be who you are. Believe in yourself. Cheers to more women power!!!!!

    1. Nice post sanjeev sir

      I am a silent reader of imbb.But i can not resist posting something here.

      I am in IT field.Me and a colleague of mine who is a male and one year junior to me worked on the same project.But today in the morning the director of the company asked him to go to US on business visa and not me.I felt so bad.So thinking these private companies are male dominating.

  8. Hi Sanjeev sir, I just read this formula in chemistry.I’m in class 12 and I come to imbb for breaks from study.this is called Heisenberg’s Uncertainty principle.and it’s very true. *specs*
    Reading your inspiring article first thing in the morning made me feel proud to be a women.now I feel even more closer to my dream.
    Such a fabulously written article.you put all your thoughts into it.hats off to you. *jai ho* *clap*

  9. THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH SANJEEVJI!!
    for sharing this and for encouraging us. And I totally agree that women should be financially independent. And I am so happy that I am going to be independent again.. yeeeey.. I got a job *happydance* *happydance* *happydance* *announce* *announce* *announce*

  10. I agree to every single point mentioned here. I hate the kind of lead woman they portray in these Indian soaps ( mommy watches, I dont πŸ˜› ). The lead character is Always a homemaker and always the sacrificing one. And why those Bahu always have a son? Why?! She’s always tradionally dressed once she’s married. These producer/director can be the biggest contributor to change the mentality of masses, especially the ‘ wild saasu maans’ , but only if they see the contemporary women ain’t like the women they portray.

  11. Such a well written article Sanjeev jee..kudos to you and rati.. πŸ™‚

    And I truly agree to all the points you have stated. I have experienced them all and more on many fronts of life and now I feel that one goal that we must all have in addition to all the points you have written and everything else, is to be able to feel proud of ourselves every time we look into the mirror. It sounds easy to read than to do..but once you liberate yourself from the impossibility of keeping everyone happy rather than yourself and look past the “log kya kahenge slogan”, you start living, dreaming and cherishing the life more, as then you and only you are responsible for your happiness and no one else πŸ™‚

  12. What can I say!!! You took time and effort to write down your thoughts, this clearly shows up your perspective towards women. Thanks for every single word of yours πŸ™‚

    As they say -“There is no force equal to that of a DETERMINED women”, be motivated, be inspired and try to get the best out of you every single day. Every woman is special. Happy Women’s day for every single beautiful girl out there πŸ™‚

  13. Very valid points. Standing up for urself and being financially independent is very important. When ur spouse earns a good deal u often want to just stay home take a backseat. Why? Be yourself n love yourself. Why dreams of all ur life change immediately u get married? Take time out for yourselves dear ladies!

  14. Sanjeev ji, thank u. I can recognise myself in the characteristics u wrote here. I fought for my dreams. I still am. I ama considerate women but strong & independent enough. When I got married a couple of years back, I stepped into a family which was richer than my parents’ family. But with time Igot to understand that all the money that they have pooled up is by not living their lives. My husband at the age of 34 went to a restaurant for the 1st time with me. I was not like that. I am a working woman & I needed a maid at home. But they said no. I love to read & study. But they said Bachha paida karo. By the end of the month all they wanted were the salary I used to get as a Doctor. For the world, their DIL was a doctor. But within the home I should be a calm.DIL. I felt enough was enough. I told them to decide their priorities. I returned to my parents place. They supported me. And here I am. Studying & working together. Aiming for better horizons.
    Stand Up for your rights Ladies. We deserve our lives

      1. HEY THANKS EVERYONE. U know it was during those times of loneliness that I plunged into this ocean of IMBB unknowilngly. It pushed me up it made me love myself and in a time of 1 year I walked a few miles of makeup from being somewhere in the negatives. Although blessed with good looks, I was never interested in looking better. After that situation in my family and after entering this ocean I got to know that only I can take care of myself. NO one else will pamper me if I don’t do it for self. Thanks everyone here for all the indirect support and learning I did here. Had it not been for ladies like everyone here I would still be an illiterate in terms of many things

  15. Thankuuuuuuuuuuuu so much for writing this piece Sanjeevji. A lot of women in country, in fact, a majority, even educated ones do not stand up for their right or independence. I don’t think I could ever take nonsense from anyone. I am so glad you wrote this piece, it just reinstates what I believe in *preen* *preen*

  16. Maanji, aap hi kyun nahin paida kar leti hain? Abhi aapki umar hi kya hai. Sasur ji se kahiye thodi mehnat kareinβ€˜ πŸ˜€

    rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

  17. Wow!!!!!!!!! lovd the post πŸ™‚ thanks…
    esp the mother-in-law and baby thing was so hilarious! rofl

  18. 10q sanjeev sir.. I hav been acting as a pessimist for a last few days since i lost someone really precious to me. But Ur article has now given me a direction, a new perspective..
    Thanx sir. May b u dont know but u have (obliquely if not directly) worked up my morales again.. Hope i will get my precious 1 back.. But now my 1 priority wud be to achieve dis sense of assertiveness rather than being so subdued.. Happy women’s day 2 me n all..

  19. I always read each and every word of your article and I must say u understand a women’s perspective very well… I loved ur quote stating sasu maan ap hi paida kr lo..:P

  20. Hats Off Sanjeev Ji *jai ho* *jai ho* ……and thank you so much for writing this…..we all should know that we are equally important and deserve everything we want……with the grace of God i am blessed with a family and parents who love me more than anyone….i am the only child of my parents and they have given me all the freedom to do and dream whatever i want…..i can’t thank God enough for giving me such a family…….and honestly that sasuma vali line was amazing and sooo hilarious *hihi* *hihi* *hihi*

  21. This post is a must share. I got fired up reading this. I’m gonna always read this when I want to keep alive the fire in me. *clap* Thanks Sanjeev ji *pompom*

  22. Hello Sanjeev ,

    Very well-written article . πŸ™‚
    Men are logical and practical . Women are intuitive.
    In life , one can not be both practical(and logical) and intuitive at the same time . So what is the best option(should one be practical or intuitive) to choose when one has to take important decisions in life ?

  23. Beautifully written Sanjeev-da. The most sensible Women’s Day post ever.not much to cheer about being a woman in India these days, but yea someday these everyday battles shall be won. yay to that!

  24. thank you sanjeev ji, your words made me and a lot of us stronger..

    HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY everyone… *happy dance* *happy dance* *happy dance* *happy dance*

  25. Very well written as usual Sanjeev!
    On womens day, I would like to share some thoughts here and there can’t be a better platform than IMBB. I may sound harsh but this is the hard truth of our country.
    You must be aware of the story of Dr Mitu Khurana who is fighting a legal battle against pre natal sex determination and female feoticide. She correctly points out that it is high time we think seriously about the declining female sex ratio in India.
    As a doctor I seldom came across these issues in the begining of my career because In Kerala where I live, having daughters is not considered as a sin. I won’t say it is an ideal place for women or something but regarding female foeticide Kerala has a better scenario than other states. But when I moved to northern parts of the country I began to see things differently. I was shocked to see the open hostility towards female offsprings and the mental and physical torture to which women are subjected in order to produce a son.
    During my work period in north India, I have seen many women who had undergone as many as 6 or 7 abortions (most if not all of them illegal) so they wouldn’t have to give birth to girls. I can’t stress enough on the dangers in which these women place themselves and their forthcoming babies by doing this. There were many cases of birth defects in those coveted male babies born to 35+ or 40+ mothers after many abortions. Repeated abortions damage the inner lining of the uterus and chances of birth defects increse in subsequent pregnancies.
    You can see Illegal ultrasound scanning centres which solely exist for the purpose of pre natal sex determination popping up like grocery stores in many Indian cities including our capital city Delhi. Some of them have the convenient built-in package of scanning and abortion.
    It is not always the in-laws or the husband who play the negative roles. Women themselves have a major role in this atrocity. I will share an incident which took place about 5 years back when I was working in the ICU of a Govt. Hospital in north India. A 35yr old woman was brought in critical condition. She had severe sepsis after an illegal abortion which had gone all wrong. She was a graduate and had two daughters. I lost control and asked her, ” why did you do it?” Even in her semi concious state she answered with surprising vigour. She shouted, ” because I don’t want to see the *****’s face! “(I can’t write the word she used to describe her own daughter here). That answer haunts me to this date and I think it will forever.
    I agree with what Sanjeev had said that we, mothers should stand for our daughters or atleast, should not be their dushman.

    1. I’m a North Indian myself and you’re right. In my religion, people literally celebrate when a son is born in family, and when a girl is born, no one in the neighbour comes to know. Fortunately my family doesn’t possess this kind of mentality. My mom wanted a second child because she wanted a daughter and I was born. But people with that kind of mentality are in minority. The incident you wrote gave me goosebumps. πŸ™

    2. Hi Pinky……I am from Kerala and I have never seen this girl-boy difference. Always treated as equal and not as a burden……

  26. That was an awesome read, going to share it. I really appreciate such a helpful article for all the girls who visit your site, I’m so glad they would read this and understand.

    Btw, sir, you must write a book.

  27. Bang on, Sanjeevji!! People grossly underestimate the need for a woman’s financial independence. Once women attain that, they can oppose dowry more vociferously and need not suffer any kind of abuse for fear of being thrown on the streets.

  28. Very well written and motivating for all the women agree with everything, every women needs to stand for her own self rather than depending on someone that itself is a big achievement !

  29. Thank u Sanjeev sir.. This is the most genuine and non-mediocre post i’ve come across on women’s day. *haan ji* very well put into words.. Hoping for a better tomorrow always πŸ™‚
    I really admire the way you support Rati at every step of her dream *haan ji* God bless you both *haan ji* *oye balle*

  30. Great write-up, Sanjeev! I think point number three is especially important because, ever so often, women are guilt-tripped into making sacrifices. By the way, so much insight…where did it come from?

    I also think, as women, we need to be less judgmental about other women’s choices; they just keep us down. So don’t even judge your aunts and saasu maas, either. They’re products and, frankly, victims of another time. But that’s shouldn’t keep anyone from being assertive and educating them!

  31. Agree with you on all the points. Glad it didn’t turn out to be one of those insufferable posts where they harp on and on about how wonderful a woman is because she sacrifices from the day she is a bit grown up. There is nothing in making sacrifices in which you don’t have a say.
    I’d like to add one point though. Don’t be too tolerant. Tolerance is said to be a woman’s best quality. But look at what tolerance has got us. We have been tolerating for too long but now its time to fight back. Fight for your dreams and fight anyone who infringes upon your rights. Happy Women’s Day ladies.

  32. Great article. It is a shame that I did not ever research till this day about why do we even have a woman’s day. Thanks for bringing some sense in to me. Thanks for writing this article.

  33. superbly written Sanjeev Sir…I had a baby last year (almost 10 months now) and everyone was saying that its going to be a boy ….and I don’t know why but I literally had tears in my eyes whenever I heard that…because I always wanted a girl….and God did answer my prayers ..and I now have a beautiful princess..and I am the happiest in the world πŸ˜€

    At this point I would like to mention that we should also teach our kids that we should respect (especially girls/women) for what and who they are…and not based on the color. Off late I have seen many many people stating that only Fair is beautiful and if you are dark you are WASTE (I am from Chennai and the situation is worse here) …and the worst thing is when you become pregnant…and I have heard so many people telling me – whether girl or boy he or she should be Fair….please search in google “How to get a fair baby”!!!!! *headbang* ..I was like..Jesus…..how on earth can people do this and I have seen my own friends doing this..even now till date I really dont understand the reason behind it…..and this concern mainly comes from women (whether they are fair or not)…people and sometimes even parents fail to understand how demotivating it is….God should really save us….Our people need to change a lot and I hope and I believe that this atleast should and must start from us…Happy belated women’s day wishes to everyone

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