How to Avoid Fights With Your Partner

couples fightHow to Avoid Fights With Your Partner

This post came out tumbling from inside me. No, Rati and I didn’t have a fight today. But I was watching a movie seeing a heated boardroom drama and relating it to marriage and all. And I started ruminating about my marriage and business, about my fights with Rati and my business partner, and so on. And these points come from my personal experience, and all my “where are my socks?”, and “I’m right” “You’re wrong” kind of days. So here are my top 10 tips to avoid fights with your partner.

1. Don’t Carry Your Foul Mood Around: If you are having trouble in business or office, issues with your relatives, problems with maid, irritating feelings with household chores don’t carry it around all day. Don’t keep answering all your partner questions in a sullen mood, stay silent and sulking and not talking, or growling or screaming at small issues in home. You are inviting an eruption from your partner. If you are in a foul mood because of something spit it out to your partner. Let your partner know.

2. Learn to Lower Your Voice: This is such an amazing habit to form while resolving or avoiding fights. Many a times unknowingly our voices get raised and our partner feels threatened or offended by our ‘screaming’. Happens to me all the time; my voice gets raised automatically when I am in an argument although I am not at all angry or trying to intimidate. But I have learnt to lower it instantly when I notice it or my partner points it out. This is an essential tool for resolving fights- always keep your voice to a normal level.

3. Value Your Partner’s Responsibilities and Share Them: We have a tendency to think about our own responsibilities and feel cheated that we are overworked or overburdened. Perhaps your partner is sharing the same sentiments. If your partner is not sitting idle all day, he/she must be engaged in something. Take notice of your partner’s endeavours and value them. Not only that, go ahead and share your partner’s responsibilities if you can. Might spice up your marriage.

4. Don’t Cut Time on Romance, Love, or Sex: Lol, remember the familiar cosy, warm, and happy feeling in the morning after you had a great night? And you and your partner giving knowing grins to each other all day? No fights that day eh? Right, don’t miss out on hugs, kisses, flowers, gifts, togetherness, and sex in your marriage. It binds you together. Worried with office politics? Too tired working? Not in the mood? Squash it out and reach out for your partner.

5. Listen, Think, Understand, and only THEN Speak: Mark Twain once said “”A great many people think they are thinking when they are actually rearranging their prejudices.” So whenever your partner is putting his/ her point across don’t just blindly blast a counterpoint across. Don’t just argue because you have to argue. First listen, then think and understand your partner’s point, and only then express your views on it. Taking a pause to listen might make you understand your partner’s point better.

say things nicely
say things nicely

6. Respect Your Partner’s Ego: Well you have pride and your partner has an ego. We totally understand. Keep your partner’s ego in mind all the same. Don’t put your partner down in front of others, or make fun, or shout. Be nice to your partner’s friends, relatives, or colleagues.

7. Choose Your Words Carefully: Words are your most important tool of communication with your partner. Choose them carefully. Don’t say “You’re not romantic at all.” Say “I would feel nice if you bring me flowers.” Word which don’t hurt don’t create rifts. Not only that, don’t use words which your partner will misunderstand. Otherwise you may find that you were arguing on something else and that your partner found some words of yours offensive and suddenly you two are fighting over something else. Total confusion. And you will take more time to resolve your fight now. Also, people who are good with words are specially keen to the tone, tenor, and choice of words in others’ voice. Not only that, stay honest while speaking to your partner.

8. Learn to Say Sorry: Well, in the heat of the moment, you would be certainly forgetting all I said, right? Well, say sorry as soon as you can. Manao your partner. Why should both of you stay sulking in two separate corners of your home? Say sorry, discuss it out, manao your partner and get it over and done with.

9. Keep Your Humour: If you can bring humour during your fights to defuse the tension, nothing like it. You’ve mastered the art of resolving conflicts. Not only that, if you are going to say something caustic or chastizing to your partner, better say it with humour. Start with thinking how you can say it with sarcasm, then tone it down a little and make joke about it. Keep it fun and keep it cool.

10. Resolve Fights By Not Walking Out: Well, this is one rule that I have been subconsciously following for many years- whenever I am in argument or a fight with someone, I do not walk out by banging the door or disconnect the phone in anger. I see it through the end. I will keep on discussing and arguing till I resolve it. I don’t like stretching fights needlessly. If I walk out, cutting the argument in the middle, I leave it unresolved. And sometimes it is never resolved and keeps on rankling inside. So my thing is- stay mad, stay put, and keep fighting till someone runs out of breath. 🙂


87 thoughts on “How to Avoid Fights With Your Partner

  1. Err…”not walk out” is what I need to learn…otherwise I am perfect O:-) O:-) O:-) O:-) O:-)

    OMG..Rati..I just put the phone down and see this post :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

    1. “Walking out” and “keeping to myself all quiet and soundless” after the argument is what I do…and yes I do realise I should learn not to do that..!!! 😛 😛 😛 😛

  2. i think every couple fights, the difference is in the frequency…and ur post is so informative, next time b4 i fight i will open ur post & then go 2 fight 😀

    1. Err… by the time you open this post your anger would have evaporated. You’d be thinking “what the heck! I am reading an online post to even fight with my partner? Let me just go bang his head with a pan” and you’d be laughing on yourself. 😀

  3. No. 2 i think is the most important, which most people often forget. The more you yell, the more aggressive your fights will get.
    Nice post 🙂

  4. How to avoid fights with your partner?
    – by Radhika the O:-)

    1. Wife is always right…just get your brains rewired to realize that.
    2. Occasional (occasional = very frequent) gifts for wife to appreciate what an O:-) she is helps maintain the non-fighting atmosphere.
    3. Tea for wife and foot massages.

    Article over.

    Eh…what do you mean partner also means Husband??????

  5. Rati, there is a problem with my system…i cant download images…other than that its ready.secondly i hav been busy travelling, (without laptop)…..only getting time to peep in few posts when at home.. 😐

  6. nice post sanjeev.. :heart: after reading this i hope people will stop singing “zor ka zhatka haye zoron se laga..haan laga..” :laugh: 😛 :silly:

    i was just now listening to that song and you posted this! :rotfl:

      1. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: rati is gonna kill u today! :pissedoff: :pissedoff: :pissedoff: :shout: :shout: :shout: :knife: :knife: :knife:

  7. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: next time i fight, “bang his head with a pan” and say, “IDEAS CONTRIBUTED BY SANJEEV IMBB” :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

    1. Hmm… Bang at the front okay, not at the back. He might suffer from amnesia if you thwap at the back of his head. Might forget who you are a find a new gf. 😀 😀

  8. I found this post very very informative and if all husbands were to read this……wouldn’t all wives lead a normal and happy life. 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 .

    I think all husbands need to go through this post and I am forwarding this post to my husband and I will make sure he reads this. Eno kumar, you have done one punya ka kaam in your life. :-))

    Rads, :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: I agree with you on all the points you mentioned……….husbands should gift more…. :X-P:

      1. Eno Kumar and Rads…………….. :devil: :devil: :vampire: :vampire: :vampire: :razzmad: :razzmad: :razzmad: :razzmad: :razzmad: :razzmad: :razzmad: :razzmad: :razzmad: :razzmad: :razzmad:

        I no planning senior or junior….where is this Rati and this Ikky????

  9. believe me Eno ji,….that’s the only one point my husband would nod in agreement :X-P: :X-P: :X-P: :X-P: :X-P: :X-P: :X-P: :X-P: :X-P: :X-P: :X-P:

  10. Sanjeev, u forgot there is another option…. :secret: if he forgets, i can get a new BF as well :secret: :shutmouth: :evilgrin:

  11. Somebody tell me…….why would “someone we all know” pick a fight with the husband who defends his wifey’s splurging with arguments like,”You do not seem surprised when a lipstick cost so much but a nail paint worth Rs. 1200 seem shocking. I am not saying it is cheap but I am wondering why so many of you give less important to nails than you give to blush or eyeshadow or lipsticks.”(quoted verbatim)

  12. :D:D ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh naaaice! i laaaaiiikkkeee. but i dont want. :P:P:P
    i want presents and back rubs and foot massages. i dont mind people sulking around me. 😛 sulk and work = me happy. me lou you. me wont scream = you happy. 😛 :alien: :alien: :alien:

  13. Well, Our fight usually starts with me saying, ” Do as I say, and no one gets hurt” and usually ends at there….. So, I m happy person really !! :rotfl: :rotfl:

    It’s a great post btw…. Loved it !! :yes:

  14. back rubs. 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 …you definately meant….vicks vaporub ka back rub isn’t it

    1. yeah yeah use what you want.. 😛 i like nice smelling stuff:P aroma oils and stuff:P:P:P vics vaporub will do too as ong as i get a loooooooooooooooooooonnnnnggggg and nnnnnnnnaaaaaaaiiiiiiiicccccccee back rub. 😀 :cute: :cute: :cute: :cute: :cute: :cute: :shy: :shy: :shy: :shy: :shy: :shy: :shy: :cute: :cute: :cute: :cute: :cute: :cute: :cute:

  15. its my sincere request to sanjeev , please start a training institute for husbands and boyfriends . 😀 😀 😀 i ll send mine first , me also forwardzz the link to bf .

    eeeeeee… we fought today only :evilgrin: :evilgrin:

    very ‘encouraging’ post , though 😛 😛 😛

  16. Very nice article Sanjeev.
    I guess this’l b another most popular post after –
    What Was Your Most Romantic Moment With Your Partner

    As per me its natural & unavoidable to hv fights btwn partners bt we both ensure that it does’nt get carried forward to next day. talk it over n solve before sleeping. Both being in 2 different cities n meeting on weekends n holidays does’nt give much time to fight anyways.

  17. These girls are talking all daaty daaty things on donkey’s post :shame: :shame: :shame: :shame: :shame: :shame: :shame: :shame: :shame:

  18. Here’s the little dialogue btw me n my hubby
    Me: I say A
    Hubby: he hears B

    n when he says A I hear B ?:-) :rotfl:
    and the result is :cat: VS :cat2:

    Why? according me cuz men n women don’t speak the same language.

  19. yippppppppppppppiiiiiiiiieeeee!! I have been doing it right all along!!!!!!!!!!!!…………….. loooooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddd it though!!!

    MEOW!! :cat2:

  20. Wah jee wah…nice article Sanjeev jee….. :clap: :clap:

    let me try my and BF’s scoring here :silly: :silly:

    1. Don’t Carry Your Foul Mood Around – NEVER!! :yes: checked :yes:
    2. Learn to Lower Your Voice – He never gives me chance to shout “Aawaz Neeche type” :-(( :yes: checked :yes: :-(( :-((
    3. Value Your Partner’s Responsibilities and Share Them – Ahhh this is me favourite….he finds me more responsible and caring than him 😛 :yes: checked :yes:
    4. Don’t Cut Time on Romance, Love, or Sex – Problem :-(( :-(( Delhi-Mumbai is long distance 😛 :no: :no:
    5. Listen, Think, Understand, and only THEN Speak – Ahh this is his problem…have to put this point to implement soon 😛 :no: :no:
    6. Respect Your Partner’s Ego – Yes this we do. :yes: checked :yes:
    7. Choose Your Words Carefully – Ohh yeah…most important for me…too much sensitive banda…but I manage :yes: checked :yes:
    8. Learn to Say Sorry – me say more than him 😛 😛 :yes: checked :yes:
    9. Keep Your Humour – thats totally his plus point….too humorous :-* :silly: :yes: checked :yes:
    10. Resolve Fights By Not Walking Out – Never happened as yet….solved then and there :yes: checked :yes:

    Not bad :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

  21. do not hit ur husband with bare hands, bechara , poor fella, :X-P: :X-P:

    use forks, plates , tea pots and sauce pans depending upon the severity of the fights O:-) O:-)


  22. Wenevr me n hubby fight my weapons are 😥 and ppupy face :dog2: wen it is my mistake…n wenever it is his mistake…he says or does sumthng crazy that i burst out laghin n gussa bcums choo mantar…n if we dnt agree on whose mistake it is….there is always Sorry….frm his side…. 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 u c he takes care of my EGO… :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: n we forget evrythn…. 😀

  23. Sanjeev Bhaiya,
    Very useful article…
    Me and My Bf are seeing each other for the last 6 years and we could definitely use some of the points mentioned in this post to reduce our unnecessary fights..
    Thank u..

    [PS:I Would like to add to Radhika ,Rati and Jomol’s point-Wives :beauty: and GF’s :beauty: are always right :smug: :smug: .Just do as they O:-) say and the world will be a very peaceful place to live in 😉 ..Rite ladies??]

  24. Thanks for posting this article.. I’m a new joinee to this website and thrilled by most of the articles i hav gone thru since last 2 days…

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