Should You Tell Your Partner About Your Past Relationships?

relationshipAnd now, Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.‘- Albus Dumbledore.

You know how it happened, that fiery tempestuous first love in College broke off suddenly. You were shattered and heart-broken. Your heart felt as if it would burst out and you couldn’t breathe. Tears would well up in your eyes. Nothing seemed good anymore.

But right when you were nursing your heart, thinking that you’d never trust another guy, in walked that charming funny gent who swept you off your feet again and helped you forget your pain. He would crack jokes about your breakup and make you laugh. You felt glad that your first boyfriend left you before you found this guy. Good riddance. But right when your friends had started congratulating you on your good fortune, jealousies, misunderstandings, and daily fights started rocking your boat. The humorous guy was humorous no more. And soon it was over. But this time you had seen it coming from far away so it didn’t catch you unawares. Well, how does it matter?You were single again.

You had mellowed down now. Fat chance any guy could woo you then, right?

But Estrogen had to kick in sometime. A few months later, those untimely phone calls of your friend’s brother started stretching into hours, and then into late nights, and then till early mornings. Suddenly you were alive again. You couldn’t wait for the office hours to end so that you could run into his arms. Not to mention some very hot romantic escapades thrown in to spice up things. Well, you felt complete for the first time. You felt like settling down. Peace at last. You had found your place in the end… But darn it. He got transfered to a different city and soon went away. You tried to keep the relationship alive through phone calls, emails and chatting, but slowly you drifted apart. And this time, you called it off yourself. No tears.

And since you had started chatting to keep in touch with him, you kept chatting online to fill the hole in your heart. And suddenly you ran into this intelligent and understanding person online. He said the right things, could understand how you felt. And suddenly you were pouring out your heart. You felt strongly attracted to this guy. And then one day he emailed you his pic. “Oh S**t, he is an uncle and he is bald! I cannot marry him.” And you gradually stopped answering his emails. Poor guy.

“Maybe,” you now thought, “I’m not good at choosing my life partner. Maybe my parents would choose a better person for me.” But right when you decided to ask your parents to choose a guy for you, your lifepartner walked into your life. The guy who sat two cubicles next to you and whom you briefly smiled at during each coffee break every day? Well, seemed your thoughts matched and a after a brief courtship you both were ready to commit. He was not a Brad Pitt by any standards, but hey, he did seem the right guy for you. And you weren’t getting any younger either. But before you could get married to him, there was a pressing question nagging at the back of your mind:

Should You Tell Him About Your Past Relationship?

What do you think?

[poll id=”63″]

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68 thoughts on “Should You Tell Your Partner About Your Past Relationships?

  1. Oooooh an article that starts with a HP quote!!! I think the younger breed of men are more open, men my generation and older – NOOOO! Don’t tell them!

  2. hey!

    I voted… and I believe in telling abt the past becoz for me, the basics of a gud relationship start from trust, truth and faith… :teeth :shocked: :stars:

      1. Hey Swati

        If he doesn’t accept me, then he certainly doesn’t deserve me…. coz he is a man of the past…. while I wud like to be his future… :tongue: :shocked: :love: :dumb: :haanji: :balle:

  3. Anywayz Its fun to see in the pic that hen had relationship with an elephant :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :tongue: By the way I love Harry Potter, am still so addicted to this book !! :teddy: :teddy:

  4. Yes its good to be honest. Coz if he comes to know thru some other source….its more painful and hurting. So better tell him and be clear. But yes not in very beginning. First lay the basic foundation of trust….be sure about how much he loves you and then you can let him know! :))

  5. sanjeev ji
    sounds so bizaare
    but i can relate to each and every sort of relationship in the above paragraph

    speechless 😮

  6. *sigh* I wish I had past relationships

    LOL I know it might have not been the intention, but i found it the funniest thing i read whole week….the quote of AD in the start already cracked me up for lots of unpublicable reasons…thanks for the laugh…if i didn’t know better i would think sanjeev was a woman

  7. If someone had a case history like in the case above I wonder confession would turn into ‘101 Arabian Nights’. BTW why do you need to tell all and disturb the poor guy/girl, better let the sleeping dogs lie asleep…till you have your grandkids to impress.

    1. i so second u on this rajeshwari 😉 😉 keep sum spice up details for ur grandkids to impress upon. :angel: .y do bothr d poor guy/gurl , which ,also according to me ,is not at all of any relevance one way or d another to dem aswell.. :nono: :nono:

      1. Hi Preeti, you’re right, just to offload your emotions you don’t need to transfer it to your partner, if the past affair is really past..then the things end right there. If you still have some feeling for your Ex- better resolve that before you enter a new relationship, a confession is only required in cases where either your ex- is using some kind of emotional blackmail thing or you think your past relations have a bearing on the current one.

        1. srsly yaa..why to unnecessary burden urself n ur partner wid sumthing which does not exist was meant to be past ..keep it dat way only..and move on.. :angel: :angel:

  8. Totally depends on the Relationship & Situation.. :chewnails :chewnails but it always preferred to be Honest & tell them the truth.. :methinks: :methinks:

  9. i probably wouldnt becos that guy will always be up on you if he knows everything about you, he can use it against never know.. :methinks: good to have some secrets na? 😀

  10. it completely depends on how well your partner would take it
    u really dont wanna hurt him n feel hurt urself

  11. have learnt from a frends’ exp. that its better you shouldn’t tell ur partner if u wer in a serious/intense relationship before marriage.
    this friend of mine told abt his past to her fiance in thr courtship prd. He remained upset for a few days, bt eventually got normal….
    thy got married too…
    but after lik 5-6 months of marriage her husband started taunting her on every nano issue/ thing & relating it wid her past … this became a routine in thr life and thy ended up separating

      1. I hate this part of arrange marriages… lack of understanding !! :spank: :spank: :spank: though it can happen with any relationship, :weep: :weep: but still i feel in love marriage 2 ppl know almost everything about each other by the time they get married (or may be not) :sidefrown: :sidefrown: …. dont know what to say but thats very unfortunate what happened with ur friend :shame: :shame: :weep:

  12. I think one should be honest about past relationships.. if your partner cant understand this part of your life then definitely he’s not worth you…!! :shocked: :shocked: :shocked: :nababana: :nababana: :nababana: bcoz trust n understanding are basic pillars of any relationship :haanji: :haanji: :haanji:

  13. i waaannnnnnnttttt ‘past’ relationships .. :scream: :scream: :scream: :scream: :scream: :scream: :scream: lots of them … :shying:

          1. :angel: but if i had any past ones i would tell my partner …. just the basics … not the entire details :angel:

  14. Like they say “ignorance is bliss”, what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him. Whether to tell him or not, depends on the type of relationships you had. For example, if you had one or two unsuccessful relationships, which you were really committed about, but didn’t work, i feel it would be healthy to confess about those. But on the other hand, if you have had a series of failed relationships, or have been into many casual ones, it would not be wise to disclose those as it would only give a negative impression of yourself. Also talking about past relationships might encourage your guy to disclose his past affairs too.

  15. heylo sanjeev,,me have no past relationships……………me had only one who is my hushbaaand now :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug: :smug:
    BTW…where are some of the old smilies…me miss violin bash….ans lol2 and many moree

    1. shivaniii lol2 ka operation ho gayaa .. its a girl now 😐

      :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

  16. I wish I had past relationships 🙁 I am sooooooooooooooo boring. Had only one and got engaged to that one.. my grandkids are not going to be impressed :nababana:

  17. Being honest is important but at the same time difficult,because you always have this fear of losing your partner. Yes your partner should indeed accept you the way you are..but sometime we do get a bit selfish :methinks: :methinks: :methinks:

  18. All too late…but I think there’d be only 1 in a 100 relationships where this kind of understanding and trust really exists…most of us are vulnerable people..not bad but not all saint too..

  19. I voted for sigh….I wish I had a relationship :makeup: :makeup: :makeup: :makeup: :makeup: :manicure: :manicure: :manicure: :manicure: :manicure: :daayan: :scream: :daayan: :daayan: :daayan:

        1. these smileys are just adorable rati……… :bash: :bash: :bash: :bash: :bash: :bash: :bash: :bash: :bash: :bash: :bash: :balle: :balle: :balle: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :jiggy1: :jiggy1: :jiggy1: :jiggy1: :nono: :nonono: :nonono: :nonono: :pan:

            1. my day was fine rati….its too hot in here….you toh having nice nice rainy days na :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

  20. my past relatioship was because my past best friend liked my current boyfriend :(( … so dosti k lie i did my balidan of love.. :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:
    but that bad bad best friend didnt trusted me :pan: :pan: :pan: , she stil doubted me, so i’d to pretend to b liking some othr guy, and coincidently that guy liked me too, and by the time i could know, whole school knew about mine and his relationship. :waaa: :waaa: :waaa: :waaa: ..
    but it lasted 7 days only, as my current boyfriend came to me and admitted k he dosnt like my best friend at all, he toh loves me… (best day of my life :jiggy1: :jiggy1: :jiggy1: ) its been 7 years now :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

  21. :nono: I dont wish I had a past relationship.. :nono: :nono: :nono: :nono: :nono: I’m in a relation for the past 10 trying hard to convince my parents. n that cartoon looks super funny. I had a good 5min laugh. :lol2: :lol2:

  22. Well… In my opinion I really thought that you should trust him and tell him before hand.

    Last last month one of my friend got married, she had past fling which didn’t work out, so her parents found a guy for her. Finally she was engaged..and then much to her dismay her Ex returned!! And she decided to remain mum.
    It really made me think if it was the right thing to do. Although she is now happily married and has nothing to do with that guy….in any case, how does it matter? Right?

  23. I can relate everything mentioned in ur article to my life…. my each relationship was followed by a new and complicated one… nice one sanjeev ji :yes:

  24. I vote for telling them. And girls, those of you who wish you had a past relationship, believe me, it’s not as glam as it sounds. And sometimes you wonder if your current relationship would have been better if you hadn’t given your heart away before.

    anyways, I had a scary experience shortly after I got married that made me glad that I told my hubby all about my past. See, I casually dated this guy. We went out once or twice but he wasn’t desi so I knew there would be no future as my parents would never agree so I broke it off & never gave it a second thought. Found out later that he had a long-time gf at the time he asked me out & laughed at what jerks some guys are & forgot about it.

    Fast forward 2.5 years! I’m happily married for about 6 months at this point. I remove some of my stringent security settings from my facebook account for a friend to find me & add me & then I get an email! Dhun dhun dhun!!!! It’s from the GF of that long-ago guy. She had some psychological issues & could never forget him & ranted at me for “stealing” him. I blocked her, deleted her email & thought that was all. But to my horror I started getting calls from my cousins & some friends. This b*tch had sent emails to my facebook friends with all sorts of lies about me stealing her man & she invented some pretty lurid stories about me too!! Thankfully my cousins & friends were mad at here & never doubted me & blocked her. And my hubby? He knew about this past guy as I’d told him about it well before we got married, and he was MAD!!! Mad at the idiot & his gf, not at me!! He was very sweet and comforting & loving & made me feel so much better. And I’m so glad I told him everything so this didn’t come as a shock to him.

    Especially if you’re going to get married, tell your SO about your past. You want no unpleasant surprises & no one should be able to blackmail you!

  25. What’s the point in talking about something that is not relevant anymore ???? not only the girl, but the boy should also refrain from talking about his past..Thats Gone!! forget about it and move on….such questions should never be asked, and if one is secure enough in a present relationship, the past can and should be ignored….because once a partner knows about your past, his/her brain will continue to draw pictures, and it might get a little out of control…..
    well, yet again, each to his/her own…but yea, do exercise caution, only if you trust your partner enough to know that he/she will not bring up the topic every time you guys have an issue…

  26. A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery. ~Diana Stürm

    A woman to interest a Man should always be a mystery and there should always be a part of hers Not Known to HIM.
    you see curiosity kills the cat.
    Gud article!
    Vaise Sanjeevji You should have kept one more option “NO” – Plain and simple No 🙂

  27. There is no harm in telling your SO about your past but then men should also make peace with past and let it go. they should not linger on for such past things.
    Life gets good when two of you are more open and non hideous.

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