Nikki C. Asks
Hello IMBB,
I have a few questions and I would be really grateful for any kind of gyaan you all have to share. I will be getting married sometime late this year or early next year. Since I will be planning everything, I would love to know how you all went about planning your wedding, especially the ones that got married recently. Also, how does one estimate the approximate cost of the entire wedding? I know wedding cost is subjective to how lavish or simple the ceremony is, but how much does an upper middle class/middle class decent wedding+reception cost these days?
Also, people who got married, were there any hidden surprise costs that you encountered which you didn’t estimate during your wedding?
Lastly, I would love to get in touch with any Telugu Brahmin IMBB readers, since I am a Gujju gal who will be getting married in the Telugu Brahmin style in Tirupati and would like to know in detail about their customs.
Thanks a lot!
Hi Nikki…..first of all, congratulations and best of luck for your wedding 🙂 An upper middle class wedding would cost upwards of 25 to 50 lakhs…..gold and other things included. Its my guess, but if you want a really lavish wedding, it might go higher. I have been to many telugu brahmin weddings. The muhurtam is usually midnight or early morning, so they finish up the reception first, but its a treat to attend such weddings with elaborate ceremonies and customs. The bride is brought to the mandap in a tokri by her maternal uncle….its fun….you would enjoy it thoroughly 🙂
Thanks a lot Jomol 🙂
Thank you for the helpful tips a lot.
I would like to keep the ceremony as simple as possible.
Carry the bride in a tokri! Oh my god!
Yesh….be ready for that……he he…its really fun….the tokri would be really fragile, like of some dried leaves it is made….he he….
Hey Nikki, there is also this custom of pouring raw rice over each other’s head…..:)
Fragile tokri….i have to make sure they get a strong one for me although I am pretty skinny, but taking no chances. Pouring rice sounds fun though!
Jewellery and sarees form a signification part of the cost. You would have to book the venue in advance in case you are getting married in the auspicious season. You would have to order the catering service according to the local palate. You would have to look into the decor and decoration too. Transporation and accommodation might be an issue too, and should be taken care of well in advance….the hotel, etc.
Wedding costs I’m not too sure about, but with regards to Telugu Brahmin Customs, I can help. I didn’t get married in Tirupati, but went there straight after marriage (in the white saree getup!) Some main points are that there is a lot of saree changing, mainly the gauri pooja function, then count at least a couple of sarees after that, then a big white saree with red border for the main mangala sutram ceremony. I think you would do best by finding out if they are very traditional (i.e. 7 yard saree tied between legs, which is what I had). Definitely hair in flower braid (poola jada) and lots of bling (read gold! for this) and the traditional hair accessories which you can get in a fancy shop. I could go on, but I’ll stop there 🙂 Hope it helps. Good luck, hope it goes well.
So many saree changes! Wow! I am screwed.
They are fairly traditional , I didnt know about the saree tied between the legs style!
Traditional hair accessories- are they gold/metal or flower?
Thanks for all this info! Really helpful!
Yes, there are as many saree changes, white saree, yellow saree, and some other sarees also 🙂
traditional accessories are just fancy stuff not real, little decorations pinned on your middle hair parting, and on each side of parting looking like stars and moon, I think. As for saree, one of your husband-to-be’s aunties can help with tying saree, even my mum didn’t know it well.
Thanks Aruna 🙂 !
Err….Priti…is that more or less…..??? Are you counting the dowry also in 😐 😐
agree!
My entire marriage cost was less than 4 Lacs.. as it was a completely dowry less marriage! 😀 😀 and this 4 lacs amount was spent on some items and clothes given to my in-laws family members as part of a custom and money spent on banquet hall arrangements.
My hubby did not take anything except a normal wedding ring! 😀
Surabhi….a pat on your and your hubby’s back….really proud of you 🙂
Yeah Jomo.. and my hubby deserves all accolades.. as he is an IAS officer and these IAS officers are offerred dowries worth of crores.. 😐
Thanks for the info Surabhi, I am also planning to not have a really expensive wedding and definitely no dowry at all.
And Nikki.. I personally do not like and encourage expensive weddings as I sincerely feel that we must eradicate these practices from our society. I belong to a middle class – the typical Indian middle class family and I understand how it affects the whole society.
One may say that people who have money have every right to spend money on their weddings but I somehow think otherwise. Well, wont get into the details in the comments here… but would just like to motivate you by citing my marriage’s example.
My hubby is an IAS topper (all India 6th rank).. he was offered than 1 crore along with some petrol pumps etc 😛 for wedding but he instead insisted on simple, low key marriage. He infact wanted to get married in a temple.. but then our families didnt want that to happen so we had a normal, traditional marriage.
Now, after 2 yrs of my wedding, I am glad we didnt spend money on our wedding and inspired by him , two of his friends also opted for a dowry less marriage. One of them is a Telugu Brahmin! 😀
I am glad we could make some difference atleast!
Moderation… 🙁 🙁 🙁 I wrote a senti.. encouraging comment and it went into moderation…. NO… release it plzzzzzzz
Petrol pumps.. lolz.. i have read such things in chetan bhagat’s novel.. 😀 😀 yes ur right and i hope the society realizes this and changes… Our domestic help’s daughter got married and she got loans and all to give dowry.. i think it can be called as jackpot instead of marriage from the groom’s side.. 😀
Surabhi…..well done, even me and my sister had a dowry-less marriage but of course the gold and pomp was there 😐 😐
really wish there are more people like your husband…here whatever money they spend on the education of sons, parents plan on getting it back when he gets married…a change is happening gradually i think..
Ife.. i knew a lady.. she has 2 daughters and a younger son.. almost 6 yrs back one day whilst chatting over a cup of coffee she said to my mum “i married off my two daughters after much struggle and have spent a fortune on them.. i need a family (bride’s fam) from which i can at least get the amount spent on my daughters marriages. i will not ask more.. just to balance the expenses made by me..” and she is still searching a bride for her son in vain.. lolz…
Yeah Ife.. thats so sick.. and I wonder how come the guys.. have no say in it at all.
So very well said Surabhi!! I really do not endorse spending so much money on weddings….I have seen my servant drown in heavy debt for her daughter’s wedding just so that they can keep up with the society customs. If left to me, I would have a simple wedding and keep the extra cash for a family holiday or save for a new home.
And Kidduos to your husband for not taking dowry at all! I have grown up in Ranchi and I know how highly priced an IAS topper is! I wish more people are like your husband and his family!
Yeah..!! Family…. Ohh no.. wo toh hai hi nahi mere hubby ki. He lost his dad and mom at age of 8 and 13 respectively! 🙁 🙁 And he was the middle child.. an elder sis and a younger brother.. but he managed it very well.. Am very proud of him. 🙂
Very courageous of him!
Hats Off to your husband Surabhi…. 🙂
hey Nikki….u from Ranchi? Me too grew up in ranchi!
And Congratulations on your wedding!
(sorry no idea abt weddings in any way////but if you people are starting an anti-dowry committee, count me in 😛 :D)
Why would any guy want anything when he is getting a sweet, intelligent and lovely wife 😉 😀
Marriage is such an imp. and memorable moment in anyone’s life…so I dont mind people going all the way spending money to make it once in a lifetime memorable moment… dowry is a different issue
Ultimately, one has to marry for love and not money…what’s the fun spending lakhs on a wedding and there is no glow on the bride’s face and smile on the groom’s face!
Strictly depends on whether it will be one with hundreds of relatives and all or close friends and family only…. friends and family only will come inside 5 lakhs i guess…only money to spend for reception no… hmmmm..Also depends on how much gold u are going to buy…
Seems like a love marriage..so no point discussing about dowry 🙂
Thanks ife for the estimate. I guess we will expect maximum 250-300 people in total.
No dowry at all 🙂
Nikki……I think inviting all relatives is important to avoid bitterness later on….and that might add to the extra cost
Good point Jomol…that is such a delicate balancing act…which ones to invite and which ones not to.
ok.. also depends on whether or not you provide transport and accomodation to people.. and the place where you will have the reception..caterers..clothes..photo and video.. makeup..
if u intend to have all the ceremonies done i guess the cost will go up..how much are you doing home based and how much at halls and hotel etc
ife :thumbsup: the video and photo cost are so important that they should be not left out….
yup.. memories count..
Nikki, congratulations in advance for your martial bliss. And I would encourage you to have simple and beautiful wedding sans worthless expenses and blings and crowd of unnecessary people. I belong to neither community but after all marriage is important for us. Well I would surely recommend you to take lots of photographs and invest in professional photographer, after moments would be be b’ful memories for both of you.
Surabhi, I am so very glad to hear about your husband’s attempt to have simple wedding, make it more of b’ful relnship then show off drama. I must say you are lucky to have him and I hope if men in India take these steps, then this country would be more happier, I guess lot lot happier and safer for women out there… All the best…
Yes definitely a wedding photographer is very important…good point. After a few years, its just the photos and videos that will bring back the memories.
To add more :). well IMBB, has not only become fairymom for all b’fuls for beauty but it has become a community for all the women who need every help or suggestion on everything, it really feels so good that there are people who would listen and suggest and help.. It makes me realise how different we are and how similiar we all are… Rati and Jomol deez, you both are our beauty as well life coaches.. 🙂 🙂
Well said Sital.
Thanks to Rati and Sanjeev for creating this enriching platform!
Main cost will be with hall hire, decoration, photo/video, flowers, gold, and clothing.
In my experience, we give clothes set to each relative that attends. They in turn give blessings and gifts (either cash or silver pooja items).
Idea behind Jomol’s tokri is that the girl’s parents have raised her very delicately/carefully so they are handing their precious girl to the groom’s family. Some features in telugu wedding are the gauri pooja (girl), kashi yatra (boy) , carrying in the girl in a basket, white ghoonghat placed between bride and groom prior to the muhurat, placing of jaggery/cumin seed ball on each other’s head is at actual muhurat time, walking around the fire his upper dhoti cloth tied to your saree, showering each other with rice, walking the seven steps of life together, and looking at the arundhati star in the night sky. There are also games sometimes, like fishing the rings out of a clay pot.
I think the best thing I liked though, the thing I remember most was my MIL telling me that I should stick close to my groom, and for a couple of weeks after the ceremony, I should not let anyone pass between us. I really took it to heart. Even now, after 12 years I try not to let people pass between us!
Thanks again for all the info Aruna!
The part about sticking close to your groom is really adorable…I will surely do that 🙂
Nikki..i thnk an uper middle class wedding shud cost u around 10-12 lacs..i m considering here sarees and drees for the bride, family and relatives…and 3 functions..mehndi raat,shaadi and reception..accomodation of guests,photographer,decorations,food of relatives for a few days before and after the wedding,bridal rotuine (hair makeup) charges,money for the pujaris,caterers, i m not consideringany dowry money here and jewellery also i havent considered much except maybe a gold set and a diamond ring…congratulations and hope u have a fabfab time ahead!!!!
Thanks for the estimate Farha! I have noted a few of the items.
Also, is the girl’s side suppose to provide accommodation for the boy’s relatives too,
or just the girl’s side? What is the norm?
from the time the baraat arrives to when it leaves, girl’s family pays for everything 🙂
Woah…Indian weddings are so unfair to the girl’s side.
In the US, the bride and the groom split the cost of the wedding.
yeah i know – i thinks its very unfair 🙁 when i get married im going to insist on a fifty fifty split – its coz of norms liek this t
I hear you there completely NikkiGirl..:)
My sis is Gujju Brahmin Girl got married to Tamil Brahmin (Iyer) Boy 10 yrs back & as her in-laws & my jiju are very progressive & open minded..they had simplified their elaborate 3-4 days wedding rituals to suit everyone’s busy schedule. When 2 yrs back when jiju’s younger bro got married in Chennai to Tamil girl..then only my mom came to know how detailed & elaborate that ceremony was supposed to be..!! & Dowry was outta Q for such decent & lovely family..even otherwise my sissy who is 1stclass with distinction in BE (Electronics) + Gold Medalist in MBA is walking talking treasure herself..8) So it all depends upon your wuld-be-in-laws-&-hubby. And regading xpense it totally depends upon you all..frm 1 lakh to 1 crore..:D
All the luck for your new life..May you be showered with interactive & communicative eternal bonding filled with all understanding & love..:)
Thanks Shilpa! That was some really sweet and insightful comment 🙂
Moderasionnnnnn…*GRRRRR*
Ye smilies ki jagah moderation shaheed hota to kitta achchha hota…:D
hi nikki,
first of all congratulations.
i have quite a few telugu friends but only 1 is a brahmin.
The saree changing mostly depends on the number of functions they have.
not all communities have so many functions. and not all telugu brahmins wear the 9 yard saree.
tamil brahmins wear the 9 yard saree.
a normal middle class family marriage in a decent hall, can be cunducted within a budget of 10L including the saree shopping, jewellery etc. some ask for a lot of jewellery, it’s normally like you have to give these many pounds. So it depends on the boy’s family.
but without any dowry, a decent wedding can be easily conducted within 10L. A lot of my friends have got married and everyone spent less than this amount.
if you don’t have a reception and other unnecessary inclusions then the expenses will be even lesser. hope this was helpful. have a wonderful wedding and a very happy married life 🙂
Thanks Suni, that estimation was really helpful! I also plan to keep it much below the 10L mark i guess.
Hey Nikki,
I am a Telugu-Brahmin, and I recently got married (to a Telugu Brahmin). I guess most of your doubts are cleared from the above replies. The total cost of my wedding went up to 10-15L… I loved my wedding. Initially I was against the grand/expensive wedding, but I enjoyed every moment of it. The pampering and all. So, basically everything in the TBM(Telugu Brahmin) wedding depends on the muhurat. First ceremony would be “PelliKuthuru” or the ‘Making of Bride” (if I am right, I don’t exactly know how to put it in Engl), so that would be according to the muhurat. Same would be for the groom as well.
On the wedding day, it starts off with Snathakam performed by the Groom and his family. Then there is the Kasi Yatra, where the groom wants to leave to Kasi and renounce his wordly pleasures, but the bride’s brother stops him and convinces him to marry his sister(that is You 🙂 ).
We(Bride and Groom) are actually not supposed to eat rice, but can have other snacks/fruits. The brides’ parents also donot eat until the wedding.
Then comes the EduruSannaham(or Panakalavadi), where both the families exchange panakam or jaggery water. The bride is not to be seen until the main ceremony.
Then starts the Puja, groom would be performing the puja at one end, while the bride would be performing the most imp Gauri pooja at her room, in silence. The bride is not supposed to talk during this puja.
After the Groom is done with his pooja and the Gauri puja is also done, the Groom is changed to his ‘Madhuparkalu’ which is the traditional ‘lungi’ he has to wear during the rest of the wedding. The bride is then brought onto the stage by her uncles and she is carries in a basket. This is a fun moment.
There is a silk cloth that is placed between the bride n groom while they sit opposite to each other.Kanyadan is done and then at the exact muhurat, the bride and groom place the “Jeelakarra-Bellam”(Cumin-Jaggery paste) on the center of each others’ heads. At this moment, the bride and groom are supposed to look into each other’s eyes, no matter what. The videographer and others keep distracting, so dont give in. Look into his eyes, feels awesome.
After that, the bride is supposed to change into the traditional white with red/green border saree. And then the rest of the ceremony goes on, like Talambralu(Traditional turmeric rice is poured over each other’s heads, and then Homam where puja is performed to the fire God, Seeing of Arundhati Star).. OMG! It ‘s a long post, but the wedding was longer. Went on for 1 to 2 days.
Also, the bride is supposed to wear green+red bangles (16 on each hand) which can be removed only after 16 days.
Above all are traditional methods, we can customise them to suit our convenience. 🙂
Have a great wedding and enjoy every moment of it.
P.S: Function hall and Food accounted to majority of the expenses. Since yours is in Tirupati, I don’t think that should be a problem 🙂 and also, I had to purchase 8-10 sarees on the whole 🙂
Wow Anupama this is all really so helpful! Thanks so much for going in detail…i really needed to know all this from an authentic Telugu Brahmin bride 🙂
So depending on what you said, I think i should plan for wedding sari shopping in AP rather than Gujarat.
Also can you please tell me about the specific mangalsutra they have, my future MIL said the Telugu mangalsutra is a special design, i could not find pictures of it online.
Thanks again 🙂
i would suggest you ask about the mangalsutra to your MIL itself Nikki.. cause, even in brahmins there differences i believe.. ppl who worship shiva and venkateswara perumal.. since you are gettin married in tirupati, i think they mite follow the latter… its best you ask your MIL…
Nikki,
Glad that it helped :). Yeah, I guess u can purchase sarees in AP, it’s not mandatory though. I wore only KanchiPatuu (traditional saree) throughout my wedding, but u can go for other options too. And about mangalsutra, we will have 2, one from the Groom’s family and the other from ur side. U can go to any jewellery shop and get it I guess. I was not allowed to see the mangalasutra n the traditional white saree until the wedding. But I believe you will get them in jewellery stores. It’s a standard one, n I think the jewellery stores will have options.
You can write to me any time you have any doubt. I don’t know if I can give my email here, you can fine me on FB, with name Anupama Gundu, in Pune. 🙂
Anupama….there is also a custom of mandap pooja by the families just a day before the marriage ??
Jomol,
As far as my knowledge goes, there was no Mandap puja at our end. Getting the mandap itself was lil difficult :D.. but probably people who are more traditional, perform the Mandap puja. I’m not sure though :).
Yeah, because I had seen this at my friend’s marriage. Only she and her grandmother stayed back at home and all others went the previous night for mandap pooja.
hey nikki
the above posts of aruna and anupama have given almost information needed.
here are my few cents……..
Even though community is the same (brahmin), customs/traditions/ rituals/practices change from area to area. rayaseema, telangana, andhra.
in Telangana certain castes have a practice of odibiyyam, where rayalaseema and andhra ites dont even know what it is.
not only that minute but huge(really minute but huge) differences in practises will be there depending on the area, caste of people.
which may leave bitter experience if not discussed well in advance.(from my experience. I am from telangana and my hubby from northern coastal andhra, arranged marraiged).
Thanks for that tip Siri, I actually need to ask my fiance what exact part he is from!
moderisation plsssssssssssssss
Congratulations Nikki!
Many here have given you a picture of how your marriage is going to be wrt customs and expenditure.
Would like to add my two cents.
First make a list of the customary ceremonies and the number of invitees. This would give u a pic of the amounts u are going to spend… these days, the mandap is costing in lakhs and the garlands in hurdreds…so if u want a simple wedding, then the cost cutting can be done in things like these… I would suggest u to sit with your fiance and discuss upon certain common things… like decoration, photgrapher and videographer, catering(dishes to be served, number of items),accomodation and transportation…
Your personal expenditure would be the clothing,jewellry,your bridal makeup if u choose, mehendi, some accessories…this is small but imp. …keep handy lots of safety pins and small hair pins…
As for the marriage ceremony, as Jomol said it will be most probably a late night, early morning wedding…so be prepared for that 🙂
These days, photographers are really making a mess of marriage ceremonies…it’s as if people are getting married for the sake of photos and not the otherway round…have a talk with them… request them not to distract you unneccessarily
As for the mangalasutra, it has two lockets( in Telugu it’s called pusthelu)… one is from the groom’s family and another from the bride’s family…the design varies with region…so u can duscuss with ur fiance’s family and decide
The placing of the jaggery/cummin seed mixture(the couple is supposed to be become one entity and inseparable as the mixture:) ) and tying of the mangalasutra are considered the most important… And do look into each other’s eyes when you place
the mixture on each other’s head 🙂 you are going to enjoy the Thalambralu(pouring raw rice mixed in turmeric) part 🙂 ..few pearls, tiny gold piece and another thing dont remember are also mixed in the rice…
If you understand the rituals, you will enjoy every moment of the ceremony 🙂
Congrats once again and wish you a blissful married life! 🙂
hmmm…moderation
Sorry I don’t have anything to contribute but 10-50 lacs??! What has the world come to hey bhwagan? And dowry in 2012 ? :O
Hi Nikki…
Congrats.. 🙂
Your marriage cost can be done within 6L, in the case you have jewellery that you need… (cause i was the accountant for my sis’s wedding) 😉 It was a dowry less wedding, apart from the jewellery we gave as a traditional custom, without any demands form anyone.. so you have to include additional costs, accordingly..
Since your wedding is in Tirupati, i believe the mandapam is not going to cost too much.. Please ensure you book one of them at the earliest.. tirupati is one of the hot place for wedding & everything that accounts to religiousness.. you might run out of rooms and everything.. make sure you book everything in advance when it comes to tirupati.. Though the mandapam might cost you less, it’ll be compensated with the expenses on accomodation for everyone..
If you can take care of the make up part yourself, with the help of your friends, thats going to be great… You know how much make up you need to make yourself look the most beautiful bride on earth… Ofcourse its gonna do a cost cutting on the make up & accomodation for the makeup person.
Photographs are a must.. 🙂 I love them…
Decorations.. When it comes to muhurtham, mostly there’ll be a flower decoration of the lords perumal & padmavathi in the BG i believe… Just check it out.. and flowers on the pillars of the stage.. I personally feel you might not have time for a reception on the smae day evening, cause the rituals for the wedding are a lot..
Catering… This part of it, eats your money to fill your tummy… One major cost…
Other than all this, some ppl are accustomed in giving gifts… at the least to your future inlaws…
Above all.. Just ask your future in laws what exactly their wedding type is… what are the basics… This not only makes them feel you are a lovable and adorable DIL.. Also clears your doubts avoiding chaos on the wedding day… Trust Me!!
Have a lovely wedding Nikki… 🙂 Do share photos of your wedding, if you feel like… 🙂
whyz my comment still in moderation 😐