A fight erupted between biwi and me last evening when biwi uploaded a look on Instagram; I didn’t like it! I felt that Rati could have done much better. And I exploded. “What kind of a look is this??” Biwi was not happy to see her work being criticized to bits like this, especially by me, who normally likes all her makeup looks. But I’m scathing and unsparing when I’m angry, one of my many shortcomings. ‘Why are you producing such mediocre work?’ I shouted.
Rati started crying, and then deleted the makeup post. I suddenly felt really sorry for what I had said. And I felt really guilty for being so unkind. So I went to my wife, held her hands and asked, “what’s happening?”
My wife told me something that has been on her mind for long. “I am not able to focus on my work since Sia was born. I am always worried about her.” And suddenly I understood. Although we have a full-time maid to take care of Sia, and CCTV all across our house, my wife is always worried about the maid being alone with Sia. She would either keep checking the CCTV footage on her mobile while doing makeup looks or go check on the maid herself.
And I think I understood the difference between a mother and father for the first time. A father can never be a mother, never understand what it means to be a mother, or can even act like a mother even if he understands. Fathers leave most of the responsibility of children on mothers and think that everything is perfect. And most fathers are out of home during the day, so they don’t know what it entails to be a mother. But this was happening when both of us work from home. I suddenly understood how young mothers who have to go to office and leave their kids at home felt. And to all of you women who are leaving their kids at home, you have my respect. It’s really not easy being a mother. And it’s certainly not easy to balance motherhood and work.
And I made my decision instantly. “Biwi, Sia will be with me whenever you have to practise makeup or do a makeup look. I’ll take care of her for 5-6 hours if I need to. She’ll not be with maid, she’ll be with me. So, you be free of worry and focus on your thing.”
It’s not a sacrifice I was making by the way. I really feel that Rati is destined for great things. January, 2018, when we were launching the Rati Beauty App, I told my wife, “Biwi, this your shot. I had my shot at TotalGadha where you supported me, and this is your time. I am going to support you in your success.” And I felt guilty that I didn’t see earlier that my wife needed my support in taking care of our kid.
Today, I did what I said. Played with Sia, taught her swimming in the bath tub, made her watch alphabets song, everything. And biwi spent long time with her makeup after so many months and produced this look. (https://bit.ly/2HUngvg).
It’s not easy being a mother. And it’s certainly not easy being a mother when you are on social media and have a following. I still remember the nasty remarks “women” on the internet had for Aishwarya Rai after she had a baby and had gained weight. Unfortunately for us, we had enough nasty remarks on playstore/app store for having a paid app, and that too when Rati was pregnant. And while those nasty remarks would distress us both, we were both worried about the health of our baby. And thanks to those nasty people, we decided to not disclose Rati’s pregnancy on social media. We didn’t want any negativity surrounding our child. But even after a happy pregnancy, I realized things haven’t gotten easier for my wife. Being on social media, she still has to deal with all her issues. Weight gain, hair loss, stretch marks, baby issues, so many things. And so far, she has been awesome! But I did not realize half of the things she has been going through. It’s not easy being a mother!
We have not travelled together for more than a year now. Our last trip together was to London last year in April, when Rati was pregnant. But now, Rati wants to get back in shape first so that she can wear all the dresses she wants to and look the way she looked earlier. Not that I mind. Though I’m really itching for us to travel, I’m okay if it takes a few more months. Rati is in a hurry to lose weight, and by the time she does that, Sia will start walking, and if Sia starts walking it would be a bit easier for us to travel with her.
I think I want to say something that has been on my mind for a long time. I can probably understand when men put down women. To be honest, they can never understand women and many of them can never survive the stress of being a woman, but I can never understand when women put down another women. Try thinking of the moments in your times- when you are getting married, when you are pregnant, when you are proposing a guy…etc- and there’s someone who says “you’re ugly” “you’re fat” “you’re lame”… how would YOU feel? Yet some girls tend to do this to other women all the time on internet.
It took me months to understand what my wife was going through. But I did.
I hope you guys understand what your own kind is going through.
My Other Writings
Notes to My Daughter- 1
Sia, Rati, Rati Beauty App and Our Next Big Adventure
Our Shopping Stories for Rati Beauty App Users
With Love to All IMBB Readers and Our Writers
May the sun never stop shining on you IMBB…
That thing which nearly killed my life…
O Happiness, How Do I Chase Thee?